The Diavorce Solutionist

Family Court Frequently Asked Questions

Family Court
Family Court Frequently Asked Questions

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As many of you know, I am quite active in the online space with my audience.  This is very helpful for me personally and professionally, as it allows me to stay current on the issues like the family court matters that are most important to my community.  On a personal level, I am able to connect with people from all over the world, which is rewarding itself.

One of the things that I do daily is encourage my audience to ask questions.  As a result, what I have noticed is that there is a lot of misinformation being circulated.  In addition, I realized that people tend to have the same concerns regardless of their location, status or position (in their case).  So I have decided to dedicate this week’s blog to those common questions, providing some clear answers.

Parent Education in Divorce or Custody Matters

Frequently Asked Questions

 1. Should I file a divorce or custody petition first?

Read my blog on this topic but the short answer is, it depends.  If you are seeking divorce on specific “grounds” like adultery then you should file first.  However, if your circumstances meet the requirements for a “no-fault” divorce, then it may not matter.  In situations where there is property and you are concerned that your ex/soon to be ex will hide it, then you may want to file first.  However, filing first does not guarantee better success, it may just afford you the opportunity to better prepare.

  1. Is there a difference in shared custody vs. joint custody vs. 50/50 custody?

Shared custody can be anything where the child(ren) split their time at both parents home.  However, that split can be anything above or below 50%.  Joint custody usually refers to joint legal but can include physical too. 50/50 custody usually means that the child(ren) spend equal time between both parents homes. I covered this topic at length here.

  1. How should I prepare for filing for divorce?

Preparing for divorce, whether you are filing or waiting to be served, should start as early as possible.  This does not mean that you should rush to give up on your marriage but it certainly means that you should start to take the necessary steps the moment you’re convinced that divorce is impending. Gather documents, i.e. deeds/lease agreements, financial statements, credit card statements, receipts, etc.; contact all providers i.e. medical/health, schools, insurance, etc.; change passwords; inventory possessions; records, etc.

  1. Should I work with an attorney?

Having a lawyer represent you in your divorce or custody case is not an absolute must.  In certain circumstances you should certainly have an attorney represent you, but even in these instances the extent to which they provide representation should be considered.  If there is a dispute over custody, alimony &/or property distribution then having a lawyer on your side can certainly help.  However, be wise about whom you choose to work with and be sure they are familiar with the nuanced issues of your case.

Note: Visit here to read more about alternative options.

  1. Can I use text messages, emails, etc. as evidence in my hearing or trial?

This is a very common question and requires as much attention as possible.  Yes, text messages, emails, etc. can be used in court for evidentiary purposes.  Although each state has their own rules with respect to how these are admitted, they are generally allowed to be used to prove or defend your position in court.

Note:  I did a video on this topic on my Facebook business page.

Finding & Using Resources

Although there are tons of free resources on the internet, knowing which question to ask can make these resources useless.  When you are enmeshed in a legal battle, particularly in Family Court, it is critical to have the right information.  It is not advisable to trust your friends, family or even strangers to give you the appropriate answers to your legal questions.  Having gone through the process helps, but it does not qualify them to give you legal advice since each case is very different.

I always recommend getting at least three (3) consultations from qualified attorneys in your jurisdiction so that you have a solid foundation to start your journey.  Most family law attorneys will provide a free consultation so cost should not be a deterrent.

In Conclusion

 Always, always, always ask questions and seek answers.  At the same time, use discernment to decide if the source is reliable.  There is an overwhelming amount of information relevant to divorce and custody so filtering is important as well.

If you wish to schedule a consultation to discuss how I can help you please feel free to so here.

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Parent Education in Divorce or Custody Matters

Parent Education
Parent Education

I’m a big advocate for parents improving their knowledge, skills, aptitude to be the best parent they can be. Parent education comes in various forms and numerous methods. Some are much more advanced than others, but it doesn’t hurt to participate in the basic ones.

What is Parent Education?

Parent education is the training, informing, or preparing parents for the challenges of raising children. Although parent’s education is available to any parent at any point in their parenting journey, they don’t typically seek help until they are embroiled in a child custody battle.

Parent education can help parents learn to communicate more effectively; use positivity more often; discipline without harshness and so on. Parenting education can address everything from emotional/behavioral techniques to financial skills, they vary.

Parent education can be delivered in the form of in-person classes, live stream workshops, recorded webinars, even self-study programs. They vary in their duration as well, some are several weeks while others can be as long as three months. (Read more here on the different types of parents education programs.)

Divorce Therapy and its Implications

Parent Education and Divorce or Custody

In many states, the courts require that parents participate in parent education programs when a divorce is filed or a Custody proceeding commenced. Approximately seventeen states have mandatory parent’s education when divorced is filed, whether contested or uncontested. (NJ, for example, has enacted the Parents Education Act, N.J.S.A. 2A:34-12.1 to 2A:34-12.8).

The courts have an objective in mandating or encouraging participation in parents education. They want to minimize conflict amongst parents and to ensure that the children receive adequate support from the parents during the very emotional process.

From the court’s perspective, there are advantages to the parents and the children of divorce where parenting education is incorporated. For the parents, they learn to resolve conflict on their own and not involve the courts. In addition, parents get a better understanding of their respective obligation to provide for their child(ren)’s financial needs. As for the children, they usually do better academically, transition to their new life easier, and behave appropriately in their environments. The court has a vested interest in children dealing with the divorce appropriately. Again, it keeps the parents out of court for Contempt or Modification petitions.

In some custody battles, it is advisable to parent education courses whether it’s mandatory or not.  In a case where one parent has a history of questionable discipline tactics, for instance, presenting evidence of parent education completion can allay the court’s concerns on this topic.

The Mechanics of Parent Education Programs

There is usually a fee the parents have to pay for the parent education program. The fees typically range from $25 to $100. (These fees can be waived in some instances.) Nonprofit organizations and associations are most often the providers of these programs. Each state has its process of accepting or approving the parents education programs.  However, most of them have clear requirements that the programs must meet to meet the standards for approval.

There can be consequences for either parent’s failure to participate or complete the parent’s education. Of course, where they are mandatory the consequences are harsher. Failure to adhere to the court’s requirements, depending on the reason, constitutes violating a court order. Sanctions for such violations range from a change in parenting time to delaying the final judgment or order of divorce.

In conclusion

Parents education resources are not hard to come by. In all instances where parents feel they can benefit from the insight they provide they should be sought out. The advantages of the programs far outweigh the costs in almost every case.

If you wish to speak to me about your custody or divorce please feel free to contact me for a FREE 15 min consultation.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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Divorce Therapy and its Implications

Divorce therapy
Divorce therapy

Are you looking for divorce therapy?

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

Therapy is something often recommended in divorce, and certainly custody matters. Therapy can take place in many forms and settings, but the focus should be on mental and emotional support. Whether you go to divorce therapy, family therapy, co-parenting therapy or individual therapy (for your and/or your children) it helps to have professional support along the way. (Divorce coaches are another option many are using to help get through the emotional and mental strife that accompanies divorce.)

Child Custody & Abandonment

Types of Therapy in Divorce

There are stages of grief in divorce that include anger, sadness, guilt, fear, depression and shock/disbelief.  (Read more about divorce grief here.)

Having an experienced professional can help you stay focused on the important issues while managing your emotions.  Furthermore, you’re more likely to accomplish your goals if you have someone to help you to see things for what they really are. A lot of truths about yourself are likely to be discovered in therapy.

Individual therapy is usually the route divorcing parties opt for. Individual therapy allows you address pre-existing mental health issues adequately.  Additionally, it allows you to concentrate on your own feelings without feeling obligated to consider your spouse’s needs. To many this is much more beneficial than trying to candidly  discuss feelings while the source of those feelings is present.

Couples therapy is another option in divorce. This route is more laser focused than individual therapy. However, couples divorce therapy can lead to individual therapy if the parties choose. Couples therapy entails both parties talking about and working through their concerns with respect to their divorce. Child custody, visitation, property distribution, as well as communication, disagreements, etc. are all valid topics to discuss here.

Both parties have the opportunity to express their feelings openly to help them understand what happened, to prepare them for post divorce and to help the children get through it successfully.

Family therapy provides a unique opportunity for intervention for the entire family.  Family therapy can take place during or after divorce/custody. It allows the children to express their own feelings and concerns about the break up of the family. Children usually have their own range of emotions to deal with, including guilt, fear, etc. and can benefit from dealing with them in a family therapy setting.

NOTE: This article is limited to therapy in divorce actions, not specifically for custody cases. The topic of therapy and custody will be explored in the upcoming weeks.

The Implications of Therapy in Divorce Court

Although therapy has its advantages, the courts’ perspective on therapy varies greatly. Therapy can a help or hindrance as far as the court is concerned.

Procedurally, having the parties actively involved in mental health services can place a burden on the court’s agenda. Most courts give their cases a time allotment for it to remain on its active calendar. Depending on the depth of Therapy services the parties receive, the case can drag on longer. Also, depending on what the parties are treated for, their ability to comprehend everything that is going on can be jeopardized.

Substantively, the parties receiving therapeutic services  may affect the court’s decision with respect to fault (or grounds), alimony (employability) and certainly custody. (Therapy and custody will be discussed in the upcoming weeks.) With respect to fault, if you are not in a no-fault state (most are no-fault) and use emotional distress or mental cruelty as the basis for Divorce participating in therapy can substantiate that. As for alimony, most states have factors that include the emotional &/or physical health to determine the amount and duration. Same with property distribution (especially in equitable distribution states) a factor that many courts take into consideration is the parties’ wellbeing.

Either way, these things should not deter you from getting help. If you are having trouble working through your emotions, or a hard time understanding what’s going on or can’t seem to focus on your objectives then you should certainly work with a mental health professional.

If you are interested in learning more about how I can help you prepare or defend your divorce or custody case for success in Family Court, feel free to contact me to schedule a FREE Consultation. 

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Surrender vs. Submission in Divorce Negotiations

Divorce Negotiations
Divorce Settlement

In divorce there is often a lot of pressure to settle cases instead of proceeding to trial. Judges, lawyers and even parties persist in attempting to get cases resolved in divorce negotiations.  Approximately 5-10%, of divorce cases make it to trial. (The proportion of custody cases is higher). The remainder of the cases are settled amongt the parties, attorneys, through mediation or at settlement conference with thr judge’s influence.

Parent Education in Divorce or Custody Matters

Divorce Negotiations 101

1. Analyze your position. This means understanding that your.

Best source of power is your ability and willingness to walk away and take another deal.

2. Know the process.

Try to carefully negotiate how you will negotiate in advance. Discussing these issues will help keep the focus on the important issues.

3. Listen actively.

Once you start discussing substantive jssues, resist the urge to prepare in your head the next thing you’re going to say next while your counterpart is talking. Instead, listen carefully to her arguments, then paraphrase what you believe she said to check your understanding. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings, emotions and thoughts.

4. Prepare your questions in advance.

You can gain more by asking lots of apprpropritate question. Try to avoid asking “yes or no” questions and leading questions. Instead, craft neutral questions that encourage detailed responses.

5. Be mindful of valuable tradeoffs.

Try to identify issues that your opposing party cares deeply about but that you value less. Then propose making a concession on that issue in exchange for a concession on the issue you value highly.

6. Stay away from anchoring bias.

Tons of research shows that the first things mentioned in a negotiation, has a powerful influence on the negotiation that follows. You can avoid being the victim of the anchoring bias by making the first offer and trying to anchor talks in your preferred direction. If the other side does anchor first, keep your desires at the back of your mind.

There are other valuable tips that help making negotiating settlement more effective. These are just a few that will make sure you are not cheated out of what is fair and equitable.

Waiving vs Settling

In divorce negotiations one key thing to keep in mind is to not give up more than you need to. In other words, it is important to maintain as much balance in what you forego and what you persist on.  There is a difference in surrender and submission in negotiations, the main one being you feel in the end.

In negotiations, surrender is when one gives a concession without receiving a corresponding benefit . Negotiation should be a two-way street, both sides giving up something while receiving something at the same time. When one surrenders they usually give up their power or authority to someone else. Oftentimes this power they give up is not voluntarily, but by some form of force.. Because of this giving up,, surrender can leave you feeling defeated, cheated and/or devalued. Even when you think you’re doing the “right” thing by avoiding worthwhile negotiations, giving in without a fight can render negative results.

Submission, on the other hand, is not about giving up power, authority or control. Submission is making an informed decision to give in. In negotiations when a party submits, it is with a knowing and understanding of all involved. The stakes, the benefits, the process etc. are all taken into consideration when one submits. The submitting party usually feels much more optimistic than one who surrenders because of the knowledge and awareness.

In conclusion

You should choose wisely in all divorce settlement negotiations. No one can make the decision for you but it can certainly help to have some skilled players to help you in the process.  If you follow the tips for negotiating you are more likely to gain valuable insight on what’s most important for you.

If you would like coaching through your divorce settlement please feel free to schedule a FREE consultation today. 

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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Hidden Assets in Divorce: Is it Worth It

Hidden Assets in Divorce

It is not unheard of to discover that parties in a divorce lied about some important things.  Divorce brings out the worse in even the most decent human beings. It’s almost as if the moment divorce discussions start, that the parties anticipate games of deception, defamation and trickery to ensue. Wives accuse husbands of hiding assets, while husbands accuse wives of making up allegations of abuse.  Either way, there’s almost always a high level of pointing the finger and mistrust of each other and enjoy the hidden assets in divorce.

When Legal Separation is the Better Route

The Obligation to Disclose

All civil actions, including divorce, have what is called the “discovery phase”. Discovery is typically part of pre-trial stage of a case. It gives each side the opportunity to gather and acquire information to prepare for asserting or defending it’s position in trial. In addition, it helps to “level the playing field” so that each side has pertinent information to better negotiate settlement. During this phase the parties can request and exchange material information that has to do with the finances, assets, health and personal etc.  Each party has an obligation to respond and has the right to demand answers to questions, to produce documents, to admit certain things and to be deposed.  Failure to disclose can lead to punitive consequences in some cases.

Hiding Assets in Divorce vs. Refusing to Disclose

Some people think that merely refusing to disclose (or respond to discovery) is within their right.  Even though there are some limits inherent in discovery demands, flat out refusal to respond can be detrimental.   If a party believes that the information requested via discovery goes beyond the scope of the issues in the case, there is an appropriate remedy.   The way to refuse is to object based on the procedural rules imposed by the jurisdiction.   Each jurisdiction have a set of evidentiary rules that sets forth the grounds to object and the methods to do so.

The hidden assets in divorce, is entirely different. There is no “proper” or “acceptable” grounds for intentionally hiding property.  If a party really believes that they are within their right to omit information concerning property, again they must object on evidentiary grounds.  There is no justification for intentionally deceiving the other side, and essentially the court, by not disclosing vital information.

The Ramifications of Hiding Assets

Objections to discovery requests are not surefire, they can be disputed.  In the event that objections are dispute, the judge usually makes the final decision either way.  Refusing to turn over information with the intent to deceive the other side though, has a different set of consequences.  As I stated above, there is an obligation to provide information, share documents or show up for depositions in all divorce proceedings.  Being honest with the discovery that is provided is also a must.  Although there are consequences for failure to disclose, the sanctions for lying (hiding assets is in fact lying) can be catastrophic.

Perjury, unfavorable court decision in custody or property distribution and/or monetary sanctions are all possible consequences for hiding assets.

If you think the other side is intentionally misrepresenting their net worth, it is your duty to prove this.  Methods like subpoenas, depositions, asset searches, investigations, etc. are all useful tactics to reveal this to the court.

If you wish to schedule a FREE 15 min. consultation, please feel free to schedule one here.

15 Minute Free Consultation

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When Legal Separation is the Better Route

Legal Separation

Although most states have some form of “no-fault” as grounds, there are still instances where a legal separation is the best route to go when heading towards divorce. “No-fault” means that the parties do not need a “reason” to divorce, they can just allege irreconcilable differences (or some variation of) and that suffices. This negates the need to rely on a separation in a legal way as the reason to divorce. However, there are still some instances where a separation is advantageous no matter what grounds exist.

Divorce Therapy and its Implications

Legal Separation vs. Separation

There is a difference between a legal (formal) separation and just the parties merely living separate and apart. A legal separation is a when you have a written agreement (in some states it must be filed in court) stating the terms of your separation.  It usually includes provisions with respect to property division, spousal support and custody too.

A separation done legally does NOT end the marriage, it puts the world on notice that you are no longer identified as a married couple for financial, medical or other reasons.

When parties are just living apart with NO formal, written agreement there is no such notice and so the IRS, the Social Security Administration, and the like, will consider you married.

The Advantages of a Legal Separation

The main reason couples opt for separation in a legal way is take advantage of the financial benefits. They are the following:

  1. The parties can still file jointly when filing taxes.
  2. Any assets &/or debts that accumulate from the date of legal separation, will not be considered marital. This means each party will keep their assets and be responsible for their own debt.
  3. Either party may be qualified for social security benefits by meeting the 10 year requirement. Certain military benefits can remain intact.
  4. Health insurance benefits can continue for the parties.
  5. May meet certain religious requirements.

Such separations do not have an inherent end date.  They can remain intact until one or both parties die. However, reconciliation or actual divorce terminates the agreement.  The terms of the legal separation may be incorporated into the final divorce or the parties can agree to modify the terms upon divorce.

When it is NOT Advantageous

Sometimes the legal separation creates more problems than proceeding straight to divorce.  Also, unlike a divorce, this kind of separation may not get the same acknowledgment in a state different from the state it was created.

  1. Entering into a sexual relationships with another while there is a legal separation may arise to the crime of adultery in some states.
  2. Some states do NOT allow you to “incorporate” or “merge” it into the divorce. A separate action for divorce is necessary.
  3. Enforcement of legal separations can be an issue for either Family Court or Civil Court. Depending on which issues are sought for enforcement, either court may be more favorable. (Florida, is one of those states since it does not acknowledge it.
  4. The costs for filing it can be duplicative if a divorce follows.
  5. Mental and emotional anguish can be inevitable. Some parties feel like they are in limbo until an actual divorce happens.

The bottom line, have all of the information and facts before proceeding to legal separation. Although it is viewed as a step short of divorce, the parties should prepare as if they are actually going right to divorce.

In Conclusion

Explore all options when trying to decide which route to take when splitting up.  Gather info, research laws, speak with professionals, etc.

If you would like to discuss your divorce or custody case, please feel free to reach me.

Contact Us

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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Enforcing a Divorce Settlement Agreement

Divorce Settlement Agreement

The divorce settlement agreement constitutes 75% or more of the contested divorce cases. Courts are set up to encourage litigants to settle all issues including property distribution, child custody, child and spousal support. Pretrial conferences, settlement conferences and mediation are all part of the program aimed to settle. Divorce settlement, however, does not always take enforcement into consideration. Enforcing settlements are usually another huge piece of the pie.

Dating During Divorce 

Divorce Settlement Agreement Strategies

From the filing of the first pleading, usually the complaint, the process proceeds on the settlement track. The complaint, ideally, lays out all of the details of the case some of which are not really material. The rules of procedure affords great latitude with respect to making allegations in the complaint. Then the opponent has the opportunity to respond with defenses and/or denials that the court can “strike”. This particular phase sets the stage for settlement when the case gets to initial conference.

From this point on, each meeting is pretty much centered around resolving anyboutstsnifng issues. In fact at times the judge will use persuasion to encourage the parties to settle. The judge will give a hint of suggestion of how he/she will rule should the case go to trial.

Also, the time lapse between conferences is strategically designed to give the parties the opportunity to negotiate settlement.

Pitfalls of Settlement

Although the courts maintains an environment conducive to settling, it’s not always the best way to proceed. Although it’s usually cost beneficial for all involved, it can set either of the party up for failure.

Negotiated settlements have inherent flaws, as much as they have advantages. First off, it’s imprudent to enter into settlement talks if discovery is not complete. The discovery phase is always tricky in divorce cases. One or both parties are often apprehensive about turning over financial, personal and health information to the other. It’s a rare instance where both parties fully disclose every fact, document or authorization related to the issues in divorce.

Second, as I mentioned above, sonetimes judges strongly urge resolution for reasons unrelated to the particular case. This can unduly influence either party to give in to these suggestions regardless of how fair they are.

Third, unavoidable distractions can also affect how successful settlement talks can go. Emotional and mental volatility are often the source of uneasiness

Enforcing Settlement
It’s no secret that coming to an agreement is entirely different than getting both sides to stick it. Especially in family law, people often find reasons to justify deviating from the terms of their settlements. Financial changes, remarriage/new baby, debt obligations etc. to name just a few reasons.

More than half of divorce settlement agreements wind up being hauled into court for enforcement, modification and/or contempt. The agreements do not come with a gatekeeper to monitor it’s execution so at times they are not worth the paper they are written on. Lawyers, mediators, parenting coordinators etc may try to help facilitate the execution of the agreement but they’re efforts are often futile.

Enforcing settlement agreements requires court intervention more often than not. Rarely is there ever an incentive for the violating party to voluntarily comply. So the opposing party must employ the court if they want to the terms of the agreement implemented.

In conclusion

A forced settlement is not better than any settlement at all no matter how much pressure you’re under. You would be cutting of your nose to spite your face. Coming to an agreement is not always a bad thing, it just requires a rational mind and tempered emotions.

If you would like to discuss how my consulting, coaching or Unbundled services can help you on your divorce or custody please schedule a free 15 minute consultation.

Contact Us

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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NEW! Uncontested Divorce-NJ Workshop ONLY $99.

Uncontested Divorce

Uncontested divorce is a viable option for many in New Jersey.  In some states, although many have changed their laws, proceeding to divorce on the uncontested track requires specific steps.  New Jersey is a true “no fault” state thus making Uncontested Divorce much easier to accomplish.  No-fault means that the parties do not need to allege a “reason” for the divorce. (Read here to understand how “grounds” matter in divorce https://thedivorcesolutionist.com/should-you-file-first-in-your-custody-or-divorce-matter/

Should You File First in your Custody or Divorce Matter?

An Uncontested Divorce is where the parties agree on all of the terms of the divorce.  This means they agree to the “grounds” (which isn’t usually an issue in “no-fault” states like NJ), child custody/visitation, child or spousal support, property division & debt allocation.  Court intervention is not needed since the parties resolved all issues on their own.  The parties merely complete the appropriate forms, sign them, pay all associated fees and file with the court.  (Some courts require a hearing as part of procedure.) Even if the divorce started off with disputed issues, at any time the parties can consent and proceed on the Uncontested Track.

The fees for an Uncontested Divorce are usually a fraction of those for a Contested Divorce.   There are 4 options to get an Uncontested Divorce in New Jersey. They are as follows:

  1. A non-profit can handle it for you from inception to final order.  Although this method is usually free, each non-profit has its own guidelines and criteria applicants must meet to qualify. In addition, many have waitlists that go as long as a year before they can help.  (www.lsnj.org is the most popular)
  2. A document preparer completes the forms only, no further assistance is provided by them. The fees for this service usually range between $399 and $799.
  3. A lawyer can  handle the matter from inception to final order. Lawyers fees typically start at $1500 and go up to $3500, depending on other issues associated with the Uncontested Divorce.
  4. You can do it yourself. This method can be the most cost efficient but the most nerve wracking too if the litigants are not familiar with legalese and/or the court process. NJ actually has a self help page to make it more accessible https://njcourts.gov/selfhelp/selfhelp_divorce.html.

The Uncontested Divorce-NJ Workshop addresses all of the disadvantages of the 4 options mentioned above.  This workshop will help you by going through each step of the process with the assistance of an experienced family law professional.  At the same time, you will have the opportunity to ask questions about things you do not understand. So you won’t be overcome with frustration by doing it all alone.  And last, you will save yourself time and hundreds of dollars by signing up for the workshop.  (You are responsible for filing fees, etc.).  The cost of this workshop is only $99. 

There is no other lawyer, organization, business, etc. offering such a service.  This is the best way to gain your freedom, build confidence and have a piece of mind.

Sign up today as seats are limited.

Feb. 1, 2021 at 6PM EST on Facebook Live. 

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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Contempt in Family Court: What it Is & it is Not

Contempt in Family Court
Making the best decisions

I’ve touched up contempt in family court several times in the past. But what is or is not contempt in family court matters is worth a lengthy discussion. It is defined as “the offense of being disobedient to or disrespectful toward a court of law and its officers…”.  (Wikipedia) This covers orders, rulings, decisions issued by a judge of court.  So basically when a party to an action is ordered or directed to act or not act and they do the opposite, they are acting in contempt.

Change to Child Custody Arrangements during Covid

Family Court Order vs Other Court Order Violations

Family court orders typically come about by examination of a confluence of things.  Laws, statutes and regulations are just a part of what comes into play. Social norms, public policy issues and bureaucratic influences also have a significant impact in family court decisions.  In other courts, criminal court for instance, the application of the law has a much bigger influence.  And as a result, acts of contempt are generally more explicit.  The court order is usually clear with respect to consequences for disobeying it.  Violating a criminal court order usually entails a fine and/or incarceration because the violation is usually against the court itself or public policy. In family court, on the other hand, no such clarity exists.

First off, making a “finding” that contempt actually happened is not as clear cut.  Non-compliance is usually the court’s finding, which is very different from contempt.  When someone violates a family court order by not paying child support or spousal support, not following a custody/visitation order or ignoring provisions in a divorce judgment they are not necessarily in violation against the court itself.  Their defiance is against the other party. Next, family court violations need to be examined in context, not on isolated bases. This too, makes them privy to being viewed as less egregious as criminal court violations.  And last, family court orders tend to include lots of provisions where execution is conditioned upon other provisions being executed.

Actual vs. Perceived Contempt in Family Court

As I mentioned, what may be thought of as contempt may in fact be viewed as violations, non-compliance, etc.  Although by definition there is no distinction, what matters is how the court views it.  The court is the factfinder and it will determine what rises to the level of contempt using a different level of scrutiny than it would in any other court.

Let’s examine a few scenarios to get some insight on how the court views violative behaviors.

  1. Court order directs that the non-custodial parent (NCP) pays the custodial parent (CP) $500 per month for child support.  After 3 months of missed payments, late payments or partial payments the CP seeks contempt against NCP.
  2. Court order states that the NCP is to exercise their visits with the child every Fri. eve at 6PM until Sunday afternoon at 4PM. In the past several months, CP repeatedly shows up to drop off an hour or two late.
  3. Court order, by way of Divorce Decree, orders that the Defendant is to turn over all personal property in their possession within 30 days of the Decree. 90 days have passed and Plaintiff still has not received any such property.

Although all of these scenarios clearly exhibit some violations, non-compliance and/or disobeying court orders, they rarely arise to the level of “contempt” in a family court setting.  However, when these acts are considered in context, reviewed in light of other issues in the case, a finding of contempt is possible.

Strategy
Strategy

Making a Case for  Contempt in Family Court

Although the elements of contempt are usually spelled out in some form, the courts usually use a less stringent standard of proof in family court.

The key to getting the court to make an actual contempt ruling requires a strategic approach.  You need to look at the violative behavior in with a look at the entire case. This means looking at past behaviors, considering the judges position of related issues, social norms, local practices, etc.

So when you are faced with a repeated nonpayment of support it makes sense to consider the NCP parent’s track record with paying, if there is an issue with ability to pay because of a change in employment, if the court had to reprimand NCP previously for nonpayment and so on.  Additionally, you should ask yourself “what is your judge’s history with this particular violative act”.

When the issue is with late drop-offs or early pickups, consider things like quality of visits, ability to makeup for lost time, the harm done to the children, etc. Again, what your judge’s views are on this issue, what the judge would say or do in this situation, etc. are also very important.

When you are faced with making a case for contempt, one great source to refer to is the actual order itself. Review it over and over again if necessary, to see if there are any “gray” areas of interpretation.  Read it from the other party’s perspective to see if there are any viable potential arguments they can make.  Read it to with a view from the judge’s viewpoint to see if their intent was clearly stated.

Sum it Up

In conclusion, understand that what you may perceive as a clear case of contempt may not be considered such by family court.  It is a good idea to think, plan and strategize on what your next move should be in the event of violations of your court order.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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Dating During Divorce

Dating During Divorce

Dating during divorce may not render you the best outcome in your situation. You can try to rationalize so many ways but the reality is you can’t unless it’s an Uncontested divorce and it’s near the end. I understand that in cases where the divorce has been dragging on for years, where your spouse cheated several times, where you get lonely, etc. But if you’re expecting a property distribution, spousal support or alimony and most importantly, child custody then hold off on having coffee with the “hot guy” may be wise.

When Legal Separation is the Better Route

Dating During Divorce Grounds

As I’ve discussed before, (for the discussion on no fault laws read here www.) most states have some form of “no fault” as divorce grounds. What that means is that neither spouse has to allege anything specific as their reason for divorce. However, there are instances where either spouse may want to use adultery as the basis for divorce. Adultery is when a married person has sexual intercourse with another person other than their spouse. The implications of adultery in a divorce can be catastrophic.

Spousal support, child custody and property distribution determinations are all impacted by alleging and proving adultery. Dating during divorce, no matter what stage the divorce is at, is in fact adultery. Doesn’t matter if the other spouse knows of the adulterous affair or even if both the parties are having an affair, it’s still adultery.

If the petitioning spouse chooses to use adultery as grounds, whether they can substantiate their claim or not, it can give that spouse the upper hand with respect to settlement negotiations.

Dating and Child Custody/Visitation

While the divorce is pending there is usually some form of temporary order for custody and visitation. And although the terms in the order can vary from case to case, some things are pretty customary. Customary provisions are usually based on what your particular jurisdiction’s considers the “norm”.

Many jurisdictions, upon either party’s request, can include what is called a “morality clause,”. This clause covers parents romantic or social life activities. The clauses usually imposes specific limitations with the intention to maintain some sense of decency while coparenting. Some of these clauses merely dictate at which point parents can introduce the kids to romantic partners. While others go as far as prohiting extended periods of time in partners’ presence or overnight visits.  Again, in some jurisdictions these clauses can be pretty routine while in others they are frowned upon. Either way, limits can be put on parents’ ability to see other people, even while the divorce is pending.

Dating and Alimony

Alimony or spousal support guidelines varies from state to state. The premise behind it though is pretty consistent amongst the states. The purpose is “to limit any unfair economic effects of a divorce by providing a continuing income to a non-wage-earning or lower-wage-earning spouse. Part of the justification is that an ex-spouse may have chosen to forego a career to support the family, and needs time to develop job skills to support themselves. Another purpose may be to help a spouse continue the standard of living they had during marriage despite changes to income, income tax, bonuses, taxable income, tax returns and etc.” (Source. Findlaw.com)

There is discretion with respect to which factors are given consideration. Weighing the discretionary factors determines who gets alimony, for how long and how much. However, most alimony awards are conditioned upon the awardee maintaining “unmarried” or “non-cohabitation” status. Although judges won’t sign off on an Agreement that terminates spousal support merely because the awardee is dating, if the dating lead to cohabitation they mpst certainly will.

Dating and Property Distribution

As stated earlier, if adultery is alleged and proven the courts can “punish” the adultering spouse by awarding a larger portion of marital assets.  Particularly in equitable distribution states, as opposed to community property states, the courts will compensate the offended spouse with a more favorable property award.

In sum, dating during divorce should be done with much careful thought. I know that matters of the heart can take on a life of it’s own. However, I suggest weighing the costs of having am indulgent heart.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

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