The Diavorce Solutionist

There’s little disagreement amongst Family Court litigants that the Family Court cycle can seem neverending. If you ask most people going through the process, they will tell you that things seem to all morph into one big catastrophe. However, this is not completely accurate. The typical divorce or custody case goes through stages or phases while it moves through Family Court.  Identifying each of these stages can be challenging, especially if you’re the one enduring the torment that’s usually associated with it. 

But not only are there different phases of a typical divorce or custody case, the issues also vary based on the phase they’re in.  The parties’ issues might remain steady, but there are different parts of the court process that require a different type of attention at each stage. This means that as a litigant, you need to strategize differently based on the stage your case is in. 

We have identified each phase by referring to them as “lanes”.  There are four lanes on the superhighway to Family Court hell. They all lead to the same place but the bumps (challenges), the route (action), and the directions (decisions) all vary based on the specific lane(s) your case is in.  Although your case can be in two lanes at once, it is advisable to limit them to two.

Explanation of the Various Phases (Lanes)

Every Family Court starts with a choice or decision (Lane 1) stemming from an action or series of actions by either party. Once either, or both, parties choose to go the Family Court route, their freedom to choose much of what happens throughout the process gets limited. The court will take over and implement rules and guidelines on how the case will proceed (Lane 2). Then at some point, the court will seem to be apathetic while still dictating how things proceed, leaving many to question why they decided to get court involved in the first place (Lane 3). And last, your case will make it to the “finish” line (Lane 4), if there is every truly a finish line, you get to “reclaim” some of the control by opting to take your case to trial. 

Lane One: Decision Time, the Beginning of Your Family Court Experience

As mentioned, Lane 1 is the beginning. Either party is gearing up;  gathering info and resources and putting things together with the intention of getting help with their divorce or custody. At this stage, things like timing, logistics, resources and personal circumstances are are crucial. Knowing when to file your case, jurisdiction considerations, and wording your petitions are all pivotal. Understanding court processes, connecting with resources, and identifying helpful information early can give you a significant advantage as you lay the groundwork for your case.

Lane Two: Filing and Interaction, Getting the Ball Rolling in Family Court

Lane 2, considerations are a bit different in the sense that once the case has started, some foundational things will remain intact no matter what. The court process is already set so deviating from some parts of it are more difficult to do at this stage. Things like identifying the problems or issues, the “real” ones, are extremely key at this stage. In addition, understanding what leverage is and identifying your leverage as well as the other party’s is also very important.  This is also the phase where you begin to focus on creating a solid game plan, like making strategic choices about when to interact and engage with the opposing party, the court, and the mediators.

Lane Three: Positioning for the Future, In the Thick of Things in Your Divorce or Custody

If your case made it past the six-month mark, it didn’t settle, or wasn’t resolved in mediation, then chances are you’re headed to Lane 3. By this time, you should have amassed a wealth of resources and built a deep understanding of your case. No more walking around with your head in the clouds, you’re starting to see Family Court for what it really is. You see that judges can be completely biased, the laws are not always applied correctly, that lawyers get away with acting unethically and you’re exasperated by the ugly truth. This time is pivotal, because since it wasn’t settled before now, chances are your case is going to trial. That means that frustration is at an all-time high followed by immense fear.  No one wants to hear the big “t” word because thoughts of excessive fees, feelings of uncertainty, and visions of seeing your child(ren) living with the other parent are involved with trial. But this is the time to shift your focus to prepping for the opportunity to finally present all of the improprieties that occurred in your case, in one setting.  

Lane Four: Gearing Up for Your Family Court Trial or Appeal

And at last, if you’re in Lane 4 you made it to the “finish” line. This is the moment you have been waiting for, although you didn’t know it, the moment to finally tell your story.  You get to speak and not be ignored; you get to point out all the lies the other party has been telling that you didn’t get a chance to prove; you get to call the guardian ad litem out for their unprofessional way of handling their responsibilities and so on.  And although you are scared out of your mind, this is the time to bring it all home. Win or lose, this is the time to seek vindication and to make peace with everything that has haunted you throughout the process. Knowing your key players and leveraging the knowledge gained throughout the previous stages is crucial. You must meticulously plot out how to use the information and resources built up over time to strategically navigate the trial phase and secure a favorable outcome.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the family court system can be overwhelming, but with the right strategies, you can take control, set the tone, and position yourself for success. Remember, everything you do at each stage has an impact on your case’s future, so strategic thinking and proactive planning are essential.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

How to Use Tactics to “Beat” the Other Parent in Family Court beat other party in family court

Today, we’re diving into an all too important and often complicated topic: navigating the twists and turns of family court to beat your opponent. Whether you’re representing yourself or you’ve got an attorney by your side, using the right tactics to execute a keen strategy is non-negotiable if you want to get custody of your child(ren). So, let’s strategize together on preparing to win custody.

Coming Up with a Gameplan in Family Court

Strategy is the foundation of any custody or divorce case in Family Court. It’s not the law or procedure that gets people what they want, or even close to what they’re seeking, it’s strategy. Having a well-thought-out gameplan serves so many purposes, especially in a place like family court where anything goes. You can have a gameplan but if you don’t have the specific tasks to achieve your goals then you’re wasting your time. Being ready for the unexpected, having a backup plan for the letdowns, and staying on course when things get tough are all good reasons to have one. 

Using the Right Tactics to Execute Strategy

First off, let me share with you the first step in coming up with tactics that will execute your solid gameplan for your family court case: take the time to journal your current situation. Be honest and open with yourself about every aspect of your current circumstances concerning your finances, your living situation, your health, etc. Jot down everything real and happening right now. Why? Because family courts are dynamic and what’s true today may not hold tomorrow but you need to be prepared for it all. 

Next in your gameplan execution is: Understanding everything about your opponent including their motives and circumstances. It’s not just what you know about the other party from when you were together, it’s also identifying the key components of the other party’s case theory. You need to know their “real” motives, their case strengths and weaknesses as well as their current situation. Knowledge is power here, folks. 

Once you’ve done that, or while you’re doing that, it’s time to conduct research and investigation to see what’s out there.  Research can help you make the best argument, make informed decisions, and position your custody or divorce case for the outcome you intend on getting. The information will help you get into the nooks and crannies of every step of the family court process, this helps increase your chances of success tenfold. You will need to find applicable court rules & laws, the background information on the key players (like the judges and lawyers), and any resources that might be available for family court litigants. Investigating is necessary to help back up everything you know about the key players as well as to find out what you don’t know about them.

Then after you’ve done your research and investigation you need to brainstorm, take everything you’ve learned and discovered, and figure out what to do with it. Do you use it now, hold it for the right time or not use it at all -these are all that you need to ponder. The key is to make use of it all the best way possible. Some things might not matter right now but might be critical later, and vice versa.

After all of this, it’s time to plot. Plotting takes planning and preparing to a whole other level. It’s not merely deciding what your next move should be. Plotting is basing your next move on what the other party’s next move will be. This is called “preemptive” moves, which are different from preventive ones. It’s not just anticipating their moves, it’s deciding what your next move should be based on what you anticipate they will do. You’re getting in front of anything they can possibly claim or defend.

I cannot stress enough the importance of strategy. Think of it this way: law might dictate 20% of your case, but your tactics can sway the remaining 80%. And remember, family court can sometimes be biased and often dismissive of what we consider ‘rights.’ Brace yourself for these challenges, and factor them into your game plan.

In building a strategy, assess your strengths, weaknesses, threats, and the favorable factors at play. This isn’t simply about having resources but about thinking critically. It’s plotting—meticulous and calculated planning.

Tips to Employ Tactics

You can have a clear vision of what you want but be confused about how to get there. This happens more than you think. It’s paying attention to the details that are extremely critical to successfully executing any gameplan. These are some key things to keep in mind:

  1. Being organized can’t be optional. Create a prioritized plan, and then make a backup—because, let’s face it, life loves throwing curveballs, especially in family court. Consider the ‘best interest of the child’ factors critically, and always maximize your time and arguments in court.
  2. Skills and confidence could mean the edge you need, and these don’t always come from your attorney. They come from you, developing them rigorously.
  3. When presenting your case, think outside the box. Be creative, and resourceful, and always question with specific intent. Don’t ask something when you can answer it yourself. Pay attention to the details; that’s where the devil (and sometimes the angel) lies.
  4. Flexibility is key—I can’t emphasize that enough. Speak with goals in mind and be discreet about your intentions. In court, making the other person comfortable can be your stealth weapon; they listen better, understand better, and are more inclined to trust and believe you.
  5. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, don’t give too much away. Be mindful of the judge’s reactions, ask questions strategically, and always keep the oversharing in check.

In conclusion

Don’t destroy a perfectly good case by going to family court blind. You need to stop, plan/organize, and then take action…the “right” action though not just any action.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

Agencies’ Resources in Family Court

Using Public Agencies’ Resources in Family Court

You absolutely need to use everything in your arsenal, or that’s at least available to you, if you have any chance of winning your custody or divorce case on your own. When I say on your own, I don’t mean literally. I mean if you are representing yourself, are pro se, then it is ever more important that you take advantage of all of the resources out there. Being pro se in Family Court is already very challenging, and can be more disastrous for your case, so you need to do what you can to minimize the obstacles from every direction.
Family Court is Smorgasbord

Look, let’s face it, Family Court is not your typical court. Not at, unlike most other courts, the Family Court encompasses the most sensitive topics regarding family, relationships, and parenting.  Some would go so far as to describe it as a confluence of a mental health facility, a social services agency, and a place for justice. And whether you agree or not, the reality is that Family Court is rarely ever solely about what’s being discussed in court. At the same time, since there’s always more going on than the obvious, there are typically several other resources or entities that can step in to diffuse most situations.

Being Preemptive in Family Court

Domestic violence (IPV), substance abuse, child abuse/neglect, mental health issues, and developmental issues are all prevalent in most, if not all, Family Court divorce or custody cases. Getting these issues addressed by the right authority can oftentimes minimize their impact on the court experience. It is best to not only take preventative measures whenever possible, but there at times when it’s best to take preemptive ones instead. This means preparing for the attack before the actual attack occurs. So, for instance, if you know that the other party or opposing counsel will raise issues of allegations of abuse, you would find out every procedure, program, etc. that would address the abuse. How you would use the insight will depend on the nature of the allegations, the extent to which they will play a role in your case and the possible outcomes.

Tips for Utilizing Agencies in your Divorce or Custody Case

When navigating a custody case, social service and public agencies can provide valuable support and resources. Here’s how you can effectively utilize them:

  1. Research relevant and applicable agencies: Almost any of the issues that are prevalent in Family Court have a corresponding agency that acts as a gatekeeper, monitor, or rehabilitative resource. Start by identifying the agencies that deal with these. Familiarize yourself with their roles, responsibilities, and services offered.
  1. Understand their processes: Learn about the specific processes and procedures followed by each agency. Always start by going to their website, where information about their structure, mission, procedure, etc. can be found. Then see if they hold public meetings, have information sessions, etc. so that you can establish contact with a person on staff.
  1. Make direct contact: It’s always ideal to have direct contact, via phone or email, where you can ask a staff person specific questions that can help you in your case or defend yourself in the case. You don’t need to divulge any sensitive information. In fact, it is advisable to be very careful that you don’t share particular issues of danger to mandated reporters, where you can be implicated unless you are prepared to present your defense. Consult with a family law attorney to understand the best approach for involving public agencies in your particular custody case. They can guide you through the legal aspects and help you navigate the specific requirements and protocols.
  1. Use the information in your case in court or as part of negotiations: Once you know how the agency works, what the criteria are, what they offer, etc. you can use it in your case no matter what position you’re in with respect to it. That means you can use it to work on your case’s weaknesses, use it to request appropriate services for the other party, or use it to get the help you need for your child(ren).
  1. Collaborate with professionals: Public agencies often work closely with professionals such as social workers, counselors, evaluators, GALs and lawyers. Be cooperative and open to their involvement, as their assessments and recommendations can influence the outcome of your case. Provide them with any relevant information or evidence that can support your position.
  1. Take advantage of any rehabilitative programs offered: Lots of these agencies have preventive classes, workshops, etc. offered for free or reduced costs. Things like parent education, sobriety programs, etc. are usually topics covered.
  1. Maintain documentation: Keep detailed records of all interactions, communications, and documents exchanged with the public agencies involved in your case. These records can serve as valuable evidence and help ensure that your concerns and actions are accurately documented.
  1. Follow up and stay informed: Stay engaged in the process by regularly communicating with the agency and using what you’ve learned or worked on to your benefit.
In Conclusion

Remember, every jurisdiction might have different processes and guidelines regarding the involvement of social services and public agencies in divorce or custody cases. Not to mention, judges are not too fond of litigants abusing or misappropriating these agencies’ resources. However, they can certainly defer to any recommendations, commendations, etc. made by these agencies and rely on them to help make sound rulings.

Some Family Courts make their business to incorporate means of handling custody cases in the most amicable way possible. Although there are what are called alternative dispute resolution methods, Family Court is different from Civil Court in that respect. In Civil Court, there are several alternatives to litigation, like arbitration, cooperative, etc. Family Court, on the other hand, relies on mediation and collaborative law, as their means for coming up with low-conflict or “peaceful” ways to resolve cases.

Mediation in Family Court custody cases is a process where a neutral third-party professional (either a lawyer, therapist or someone specifically trained in the field of family law) will meet with the parties to help them come up with an agreement to resolve custody and visitation. The focus of mediation is to give the parties the guidance they need to come up with a voluntary agreement on their own. The parties have much more freedom to make their own decisions with respect to their case and thus are more likely to do it amicably (at least in theory). The meetings are usually confidential, meaning the parties are restricted from discussing anything shared in mediation in court. This is to ensure the parties feel comfortable enough to openly discuss their issues which ensures their willingness to work together on coming up with an agreement. Custody issues discussed in mediation, including legal and physical custody; parenting schedules; parenting plans and anything related to these.

Why Attend Mediation Pro Se:

Custody mediation is not intended to be very adversarial so representation would seem unnecessary. However, there are times when the court requires mediation, and doesn’t take into consideration the high conflict that already exists in the case. If this is the case, then chances are the parties are represented anyway. But in instances where mediation is not required, or the case is not high conflict, representing yourself serves many purposes.

It is not a secret that attorneys can make any custody case more volatile by their mere presence. Attorneys tend to want to drag things out, prolong getting certain things done, or do other things that can make things worse. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when their tactics are legitimate, and just happen to make things more complex. But when it comes to mediation, unless there are extremely sensitive topics that require the expertise of an attorney or that an attorney would be suited to address in mediation, appearing pro se is certainly doable.

Strategy in Going to Custody Mediation Pro Se:

Strategy is critically important when you self-represent in any court, but certainly Family Court. Since Family Court is known for its propensity to issue inconsistent, biased and/or illogical decisions, having a solid gameplan for navigating it is essential. It entails assessing where you are, identifying the other party’s goals & anticipating how they plan to reach them, discerning the strengths & weaknesses of both sides’ cases, and coming up with a plan based on all of these.  This is how you ensure that your next moves are something that will get you closer to achieving your desired results.

Well, how can you identify the other party’s goals or weigh the strengths or weaknesses of their case if you don’t know them? You have to put yourself in the position to hear what they have to say and what better way than in a setting where they feel comfortable sharing? Whether you settle your custody case in mediation or not, it is always an opportunity to see the other party’s hand. Even though you’re prohibited from sharing anything discussed in mediation in court, that doesn’t mean you can’t use the information to help you position your case better.

You will have more understanding of the overall custody court process, gain more insight into whether you need to hire an attorney and be better prepared to move your case forward towards trial.

Tips to Getting the Most Out of Your Custody Mediation:

In conclusion, custody mediation should be viewed as an opportunity no matter which direction your case is headed in. There are advantages to mediation as a self-represented litigant that you would not necessarily experience with an attorney.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

Family Court is a cauldron of volatile emotions, extreme fabrications and an imbalance of injustices. This makes self-representation a challenge for even the most brazen person, let alone a parent who’s child’s wellbeing is at stake. It doesn’t make it impossible to do, just difficult. The key is, you must know when you should forge ahead and when to let the pros handle it.

When you are in a high-conflict custody dispute or dealing with a litigious opposing party, you should take a step back and consider hiring an experienced custody lawyer.

Want to know more about what they do and what to look for, here are a few pointers:

While looking for the best and most reliable child custody lawyers, you must find out what are their areas of expertise. For this, you will first have to find out the nature of your case and then you will have to find and choose the attorney accordingly. 

This way, you will have increased chances of winning the case when an experienced attorney in the relevant field will be representing your case in the family court. Some of the areas of expertise are discussed below that you should notice:

1. Child custody agreements 

Child custody lawyers help parents establish and negotiate parenting plans, child custody agreements, visitation schedules, and other legal arrangements to ensure a child’s best interests are protected. 

2. Child support 

Custody lawyers can help clients navigate child support obligations, including calculating support payments, enforcing payment orders, and modifying existing agreements. 

3. Guardianship and adoption 

Some child custody lawyers may specialize in cases involving guardianship or adoption, helping clients with legal procedures, paperwork, and representation in court hearings. 

4. Mediation and dispute resolution 

Child custody lawyers may help clients resolve custody disputes through mediation, negotiation, or alternative dispute resolution processes, rather than going to court. 

5. Domestic violence and abuse 

Some child custody lawyers may also help clients deal with issues of domestic violence or abuse, protecting the rights of victims and ensuring their safety during custody disputes. It’s important to note that the exact areas of expertise of a child custody lawyer may depend on their training, experience, and the laws in their specific jurisdiction.

What is the importance of hiring an experienced child custody lawyer instead of proceeding pro se ?

When it comes to child custody, people get emotional and they try to find out the best ways to win the child custody case. With the results of child custody cases, there are higher chances that both parents and children will be affected in the long run. Therefore, it becomes intensively important to hire an experienced and in-depth knowledgeable child custody lawyer.

Get an overview of the situation of the case

Hiring an experienced child custody lawyer is of high importance because these professionals will provide you with a thorough understanding of the whole legal process that you will have to go through. They will let you know about the complicated legal system. 

Proper prosecution

They will also help you to know about several kinds of custody arrangements and legal requirements that you will have to fulfil. Hiring these professionals will also be important as they know how to properly prepare the paperwork and present your case in front of the judge. This way, your voice will be heard and your rights will be safely protected. 

Knowledge of the law

An experienced child custody lawyer will have a strong understanding of family law, as well as the specific laws and regulations that govern child custody disputes in your state or region. 

Guidance and support

An experienced child custody lawyer can provide you with valuable guidance and support from start to finish, helping you navigate the complex legal process of child custody. 

Negotiation skills

In many cases, child custody disputes can be resolved through negotiation and mediation rather than going to court. An experienced child custody lawyer will be skilled in negotiating and working towards a settlement that is in the best interests of the child. 

Courtroom experience

In the event that your case does go to court, an experienced child custody lawyer will have the necessary courtroom experience to advocate for your rights and protect your interests. 

Emotional support

Having an experienced and professional child custody lawyer means that you will avoid committing some mistakes that can end up with serious consequences. They will timely let you know what important documents you will have to provide, what pieces of evidence are needed to submit, how to provide accurate information regarding the case, and how to avoid giving inappropriate statements in the courtroom. 

Fair and equitable outcome

Hiring these professional attorneys will help you to get fair and equitable outcomes as they will use all their energies tirelessly to ensure that you will get your rights and that justice will be provided in the best manner. Most of these professionals make it their priority to make their clients win if they are on the right. 

Factors to notice while looking for a child custody lawyer

Conclusion Overall, hiring an experienced child custody lawyer can make a significant difference in the outcome of your case in many instances. Although many question if they can trust that a child custody lawyer would actually have their best interests at heart, there are times when there are no better options.  Although your child’s best interests are your priority and no one would give them the same level of attention. Trusting that an experienced professional would do what’s best is in fact making your children’s best interests a priority. Your job is to ensure that you choose the child custody lawyer carefully and screen them ardently.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

I recently noticed that many Family Court litigants are clueless about filing and using the correct documents in their custody cases. There are different documents for diverse types of cases of course. But there are times when it is not just the type of case that matters, it is its purpose. There are petitions, complaints, responses, objections, oppositions, motions, show causes, cross-motions, cross-petition, and counterclaims. So, let’s discuss all family court documents in custody:

Type of Family Court Case

In Family Court, custody cases can go on forever.  In fact, they typically do.  If you are in court on custody once, you can almost bet on being back over the course of your child’s life until the age of majority.  So, there is a difference, for example, in an initial case for Custody or Visitation and a Modification or Contempt case. The difference affects how the case will proceed, which rules apply and how they apply.  So, an initial custody case might consist of the initial Complaint and maybe a Cross-Complaint as far as documents (pleadings). This is so because the parties are only trying to establish some sort of guidelines or parameters to co-parent.  It is not uncommon that the parties are unaware of all the issues that may become an issue later.

Strategic Plan in Divorce or Custody


Purpose of Family Court Documents in Custody

The other issue is what your objective is in the case.  If you are seeking to shed light on the lies, deception, and false statements, then you might need to file a Response or Opposition. If your intentions are to present your own version of the circumstances, then you might want to file a Cross-Petition or Cross-Motion.  But even further, if you have your own separate demands, then you should most certainly file a Cross-Motion or Cross-Petition in the custody or visitation case. The document you file will still depend on the type of case, but your purpose for the document is important.

Procedure for Documents

Every single state has its own set of procedural rules when it comes to drafting, filing, and serving custody or visitation documents. They also have specific time frames and deadlines within which specific documents need to be filed. This is extremely important to know because it can affect how you choose to proceed. If you realize at some point in your case, that you should file a Cross-Petition what are your options? Well, that depends on the point in which you realized it. Can you file a Cross-Petition at the time the case is scheduled for a hearing? If not, what can you do instead? These are all particularly important to know as you navigate your way through your case. You might not be able to, but you can ask for the court’s permission to file an Objection or Opposition. Or maybe you can get the court’s permission to extend the time for hearing/trial until you are able to have your Cross-Petition added to the court’s docket. The way you proceed is dictated by your court’s procedural rules as well as its administrative process.

How it All Comes into Play?

For those of you who do not know, my focus is always on the strategic aspect of custody cases.  My unique approach takes a bird’s eye view of each case and produces a precise plan to help litigants reach their goals.  This means that each of the elements I discussed above plays an important role.  Timing, wording, positioning, etc. all these interplay in how a case should be presented for court success.  So sometimes you might have missed a document filing deadline, but might be able to get on your side of the story another way. Therefore, it is critical to have these concepts in mind the moment you see yourself headed down this path.

In Conclusion

It is extremely important that you are aware of your local court procedures, how to navigate your way around the court (and the website), and that you learn the different forms and their use.  This knowledge can impact the overall outcome of your custody case. Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?  We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.
In the world of family law, there’s a widely known term, Disneyland Dad, or Mom, in custody disputes. This term refers to the noncustodial parent who makes their time with the child more fun for the child. The term implies that their motives for doing this are to persuade or influence the child towards them over the other. This usually creates problems for the custodial parent who must “compete” with them.  

What Qualifies as Disneyland Dad or Mom?

 A noncustodial parent does things to gain their child’s affection in several ways.  These include buying them expensive gifts, letting them have longer curfews, allowing them to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Basically, the noncustodial parent will purposely give the child things the other parent afford or allow them to do things the other parent does not. Their intention is clearly to be seen as the more likable or “cool” parent. Oftentimes the Disneyland parent goes out of their way to treat their child as their friend or peer instead of a child. They also employ other friends, significant others and/or family members to help them overextend their level of kindness.

Strategic Plan in Divorce or Custody


The parent who does this is usually motivated by their own selfishness. Because if they were concerned about their children, they would respect the boundaries imposed by the custodial parent. Some Disneyland parents merely use these tactics as a means to be vindicated for being absent or abusive during the child’s life.  On the other hand, the narcissistic noncustodial parents’ motives are different. Their motives are usually control, manipulation, and vindictiveness. In these instances, there is no sound basis or justification for the behaviors.

How Does being a Disneyland Dad or Mom Impact the Best Interests Factors?

The best interests factors for each state varies. Some states put more emphasis on certain issues than others. Not to mention, some states put to give more consideration to some factors than others. The best interests factors require the court to look at them in order to decide what’s for the child’s wellbeing. The child’s mental, emotional, physical, and intellectual well-being are the underlying concerns in every case. How the Disneyland parent’s behaviors get factored into custody determinations depends on these two things: the actual factors and how their behavior directly tie in and how their behavior affects the overall custody disputes.   The former is a direct application of the court’s standards, while the latter is indirect.  Both perspectives certainly have an impact on child custody cases, but for different reasons.

Applying the Best Interests Factors to Disneyland Dad or Mom

First, let’s look at Disneyland Dad or Mom and the best interests factors overall. The issues that come into play are the parent’s refusal, or inability, to set and maintain boundaries. This can certainly raise concerns with respect to the child’s mental, as well as physical, wellbeing. Mental well-being emphasizes the parent’s responsibility to ensure that the child develops into adulthood in a way that is adaptable. In other words, preparing them for growing up with the tools they need to maintain relationships, employment, Etc. Although parents want to ensure their children are happy, they should balance this intention with maintaining safe boundaries. A. Factors Directly Related to Coparenting- Next, the Disneyland Dad or Mom’s own mental or emotional health can be called into question under the best interests application.  The parent’s health, particularly their mental health, is often made obvious by their actions.  Their decision to manipulate their children in this way certainly calls attention to their mental health. Another factor that might be triggered by the behaviors of the Disneyland Dad or Mom is the one that examines each parent’s ability to maintain or facilitate a meaningful relationship with the other. When one parent is intentionally ignoring or violating boundaries set by the other, it is obvious that they don’t care about maintaining a healthy parenting or co-parenting relationship. And last, financial stability or standard of home environment also come into play with Disneyland Dad or Mom situations.   This is a huge concern when there is an imbalance in financial resources between the two parent’s homes.  The Disneyland parent usually has more resources and is able to shower the kids with gifts.  Alternatively, the Disneyland parent might have more free time, making them more able to do “fun” things with the children.  Either way, having more of what the child wants makes it hard to challenge this factor when the other parent doesn’t have the luxury. B. Factors Directly to the Parent-Child Relationship Another factor that can impact the Disneyland Dad or Mom’s choice to act this way is the child’s preference to live with either parent.  Clearly, their intention is to persuade or influence the child, and most times they are successful. Successful enough to influence the child’s choice about who they prefer to live with.  Of course, younger children don’t really have much say, but this certainly applies to the older ones. And last, the relationship between the parent and child is most definitely a factor too.  The courts inherently look at the bond between each parent and their child(ren) when deciding custody.   And when the bond is strained or strengthened by deliberate acts of the other, there is cause for concern.

How to Defend against a Disneyland Dad or Mom in Custody Disputes?

There are several things you can do to defend against parents who use their resources to intentionally influence your child.  And although there are practical, moral, and emotional implications, you should try to focus on what you can control.  You can’t control the other parent’s behavior, nor can the courts actually, but you have some control over your children. You need to work at ensuring your children receive the time and attention you have.  This means that you are not competing with the other parent.  You should use the time you have with your children in a meaningful way.  Instead of focusing on the things the other parent did or bought, for example, you redirect your children to what you are doing with them. In court, you can focus on the specific best-interests factors that are in your favor.  You are a good parent merely because you are fighting to be a parent.  You might not be the “best” parent, but you most certainly are just as “fit” as the other parent. Use those “fit” factors to your advantage.  No one scores high on all factors, if they did they would not be in custody disputes.

In Conclusion

Don’t accept defeat in the custody disputes by being up against a Disneyland Dad or Mom.   You can work with what you have and still be acknowledged for being a “good” parent. Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?  We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.
Strategic plan family court
Strategic Plan Divorce Custody
Family Law C Creating a strategic plan in business is a must if that business wants to increase its chances of success. Having one usually indicates that the business is serious about mapping its short and long-term goals. It also means that they are dedicated to putting measures in place to reach them. Having a detailed plan based on your values and beliefs is a win-win. So why wouldn’t you create one for any aspect of your personal life? Particularly where the goals are extremely important and significant, why not plot out a plan. A strategic plan in divorce or custody is brilliant. Your divorce or custody is more than likely consuming a huge part of your life… right? I mean it does not matter who you are, where you are located, how much money you have it’s daunting.  The Family Court experience is full of surprises. And one of the best ways to prepare for the unexpected is to prepare for the unexpected. A strategic plan is certain to do just that.

Imbalance of Power Custody Divorce


What is a Strategic Plan?

A strategic plan in divorce or custody is a roadmap that sets specific goals for your case. It considers all the facts & information relevant to your issues, no matter the source. It then requires you to use this data to focus on your personal values and beliefs to create a vision. This vision is made up of your long and short-term goals for yourself and your family. Then, creating a specific layout to achieve those goals requires a deeper understanding of the information gathered. The layout incorporates your strengths and weaknesses, measured against threats and opportunities.  This results in you producing a course of action to reach those goals. It is a roadmap, diagram, course of action, game plan to achieve success in Family Court.

Why Should You Have a Strategic Plan for your Family Court case?

As I mentioned, having a strategic plan increases your chances of success no matter what area of your life. And the reality is that you want to get the results you want no matter which side you are on in divorce or custody. Having a plan helps you to map out your goals for your family. These goals include- All these goals might have a place in your short and long-term goals. It is for you to decide which ones do and how to prioritize them. Because how you approach them depends on how important they are to you. And the more aligned the two are increased chances of success.

How Do You Create Strategic Plan?

The first step is to take an honest look at your current situation. This is difficult to do, but it needs to be done with as much objectivity as possible. You must dig deep and look wide to assess your financial, personal, emotional/mental, and legal circumstances. It is best that you take your time with this part because any oversights can ruin your efforts overall. Also, it is important to ask trusted loved ones for their insight as well to ensure that the assessment is accurate. Next, you will spend time creating a detailed list of your opposing party’s position.  Look at the things they are requesting, their current situation, their past behaviors, etc. You do not have to be 100% accurate, but the more you are able to the better. Then you will need to look at both lists to help you to create your vision. Your vision should consist of what your future family life looks like. For example, what does co-parent look like, what is your future financial situation, and so on. From there, you will need to identify your strengths and weaknesses. This means classifying those things you produced in the first step, as strengths or weaknesses. They can be physical, legal, practical, financial or anything that has a direct impact on your divorce or custody. After that, you will need to go beyond your lists to gather information directly related to the legal aspects of your family law case.  This includes your opponent’s position, the court venue/jurisdiction, policy issues, the laws, the judges, basically anything that is outside of your control. Once you have gone through all these steps, you are able to create a plan by applying these to your overall goals.

When Should You Create a Strategic Plan?

Right now! Contact me to discuss how I can help.

Results of Having a Strategic Plan

You are better able to circumvent the destructive practices of the Family Court. Not only are you more prepared to deal with the Family Court’s bias and unfair treatment, but you also build confidence as a result. Choosing to be Pro Se, as opposed to having an attorney, can be strategic.  Although most jurists discourage Family Court parties represent themselves, there are times when it’s advantageous. Being a victim of your opponent is also off the table. Having a plan in place helps to become empowered. The exercise of creating the strategy is itself is empowering. Having a better understanding of the Family Court process is also an advantage of having a strategic plan. Every step of the process covers every facet of the Family Court journey, and that is by design. You will most certainly be able to highlight the issues that are most important to the judge, which is extremely important.

In Conclusion

So, if you want to increase your chances of “winning” this is an excellent start. There is endless data on the importance of having a strategic plan in place. Even though the data available relates to business strategic plans, there is no sound reason it would not apply in divorce or custody. If you would like to see how I can help you create the best Strategic Plan for your specific case, please visit here. Related Tag: Child Custody Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?  We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

This strategic action plan workbook is 27 pages of extremely useful tips & resources; exercises; worksheets and MUCH MORE!!!

About the Family Court Strategic Action Plan Workbook:

Family Court parties are usually the most overwhelmed, disappointed and victimized of any other court venue.  For several reasons, people that are embroiled in a Family Court, either divorce or custody, case often feel like they are at their wits end fighting for their families.  One of the main reasons parties feel disappointed and discouraged is because of the lawyers failure to provide adequate representation.  Another major reason, is because the Family Court system is destructive to families.  The laws are often overlooked, the procedures are applies arbitrarily and the judges are extremely biased.  So what are the parties to do when they are forced to litigate their case in court in spite of all of these flaws?  What they should do is not give up….NEVER give up! They owe it to their children to speak up for them, to ensure that their well-being is not overlooked and to protect their future.


Your Support System, “Village”: Key Part of Your Strategic Plan


There is a saying “if you can’t beat them then join them”.  This is definitely applicable and justified in Family Court.  It’s a system that can’t “beat” because they have the power and the authority.  So you can “join” them or align with the court by learning to “play” by their rules. How do you do that? I’m glad you ask.  You need to use something that IS on your side….STRATEGY!  The judge and court have the law and power and authority……………..but you have STRATEGY!

What is STRATEGY and how does it even apply to your Family Court case?  It is the practical and tactical steps you take to achieve your specific goal.  Strategy can apply to any aspect of life where you set goals, aspirations, missions, etc. It’s a matter of  deciding that you will do whatever it takes to achieve success by reaching those goals.  You do have goals in mind with respect to your Family Court case, right?  I mean you are not blindly going through the process without a desired outcome are you?  Well, even if you have been up til this point, it’s time to change that.  You need to approach this aspect of your life as if your life depended on it, because in all reality this is YOUR LIFE!

Strategy is where the practical and the legal overlap.   There is a practical path to get through the process in addition to the legal one.  The problem is that lawyers are only concerned with the legal path.  And the practical side is often overlooked or misguided because litigants need guidance here too.  So, what typically happens in this instance. The parties wind up being forced to settle or getting slammed at trial and feeling victimized by the whole ordeal.  No one wins in Family Court, but not everybody has to lose it all either. But had a solid strategy been developed, followed and revised when necessary, the outcome would have been different.

That’s what this Workbook helps the user to develop, strategy.  It provides information and exercises that will help the user develop a strategy using a step by step process.

It Includes:

This is ideal for ANYONE going through Family Court, divorce or custody case, that would like to approach the process from a proactive stance.   Whether self-represented or represented by an attorney, this Workbook will supplement anything you’ve been using to help you navigate your case.  As a first step or supplement to what you’re already doing, this is a very valuable resource for any Family Court litigant.

If you are interested in other services to supplement the workbook, i.e. consulting/coaching, Group/Membership programs or other Unbundled Services, please feel free to schedule a call to discuss them today.

Your Support System, “Village” in your Strategic Plan

One major component of strategic planning is having a support system or a “village”. Not just any support system but one comprised of people with various backgrounds or roles. Of course, having family, friends, support groups, etc. is important during divorce or custody.  Your friend who has never been married has a perspective that’s different than your great-aunt who has been for 50 years. The roles or positions each of them plays, particularly because of their life experiences, is even more critical.  The reason being, you are more able to anticipate your ex’s or soon to be ex’s moves when you have different perspectives to consider. As you know, everything for me is about strategy, so being able to foresee your opponent moves is key.

 


Using Cost-Benefit Analysis to Your Benefit in Family Court


 

Assess Your Values

Everyone has or should have a role in your divorce or custody situation and their role serves a purpose. Family/friends, mental health professionals, legal experts, financial services and so on. When you take a good long look at your values, you can use the members of your support system as a guide.  Your values force you to look at the things that matter most to you and how much you want to honor them.  That means, family, health, happiness, etc., these elements should not be viewed in a vacuum.

 

Know Your Mission

This requires a look at your life journey and purpose.  It includes those values you assessed earlier on, but now has you putting those in perspective.  You should have an overall vision of where you are headed in your life post-divorce or custody (although custody can go on what seems like an eternity.) Your village also plays a part in your vision.  They can help you get there in a theoretical sense, as well as a practical one.

Divorce and custody can…I’m sorry…it will, completely uproot your life.   Your financial situation drastically changes, your emotional state is forever distorted and your mental being is constantly challenged. Your mission for your life as a spouse or even before parenthood completely changes once you are enthralled in divorce or custody.

 

Your Analysis

You need to do a SWOT on yourself and on your overall case.  Yes, you took time to assess your values, dug deeper to come up with a mission, now you need to look at your personal self.  But here’s the thing, you shouldn’t do this on your own.  Your strong and diverse support system will be ideal in helping you in this phase of your strategy.   Your SWOT analysis requires you to look at your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats.

Identifying your strengths, with respect to the divorce or custody, directs you (or your village) to look at the advantages you have over your ex or soon to be ex; the values that you have that they don’t; the resources you have and so on.

Your weaknesses, where it’s harder to be objective, looks at the areas you lack confidence; the limited resources available to you; your personality traits that make you vulnerable in this particular situation and so on.

The opportunities available to you include things like, the help and support your village can provide in the deficient areas; the ability for you to acquire skills to improve your limitations and so on.

Pinpointing threats forces you to look at obstacles that stand in your way; the potential for any change in your other positions to become a detriment and so on.

The SWOT analysis must be done very carefully, honestly, and methodically.  It can cause tons of discomfort and force you to step outside of your comfort zone, but the benefits are endless. Your village’s cooperation and participation are very important if the SWOT is to be effective.

 

Wrap it All Up

You should not go into your divorce or custody without a plan, theme, or a strategy.   Does not matter what you call it, the important thing is that you give some time and attention to developing a thorough, well thought out plan for every phase of the process.  You cannot, nor should you, do it all on your own.   It takes a combination of skills, talents, and traits to create the best strategy and that’s where your village comes in.

Take your time, get your emotions in check, and clear your mind.

 

In Conclusion

When facing divorce or custody, it is not unheard of to seek help from therapists, church, friends, family, etc.  But I wanted to show you a different perspective in how they can help you get through the process with a clear vision and plan.  You increase your chances of getting better outcomes when you take the time to cultivate a village of supporters who bring something different to the equation.

If you need help with strategy in your Family Court matter, feel free to schedule a FREE consultation here.