The Diavorce Solutionist

Making Strategic Decisions Based on the Phase of Your Family Court Case

There’s little disagreement amongst Family Court litigants that the Family Court cycle can seem neverending. If you ask most people going through the process, they will tell you that things seem to all morph into one big catastrophe. However, this is not completely accurate. The typical divorce or custody case goes through stages or phases while it moves through Family Court.  Identifying each of these stages can be challenging, especially if you’re the one enduring the torment that’s usually associated with it. 

But not only are there different phases of a typical divorce or custody case, the issues also vary based on the phase they’re in.  The parties’ issues might remain steady, but there are different parts of the court process that require a different type of attention at each stage. This means that as a litigant, you need to strategize differently based on the stage your case is in. 

We have identified each phase by referring to them as “lanes”.  There are four lanes on the superhighway to Family Court hell. They all lead to the same place but the bumps (challenges), the route (action), and the directions (decisions) all vary based on the specific lane(s) your case is in.  Although your case can be in two lanes at once, it is advisable to limit them to two.

Explanation of the Various Phases (Lanes)

Every Family Court starts with a choice or decision (Lane 1) stemming from an action or series of actions by either party. Once either, or both, parties choose to go the Family Court route, their freedom to choose much of what happens throughout the process gets limited. The court will take over and implement rules and guidelines on how the case will proceed (Lane 2). Then at some point, the court will seem to be apathetic while still dictating how things proceed, leaving many to question why they decided to get court involved in the first place (Lane 3). And last, your case will make it to the “finish” line (Lane 4), if there is every truly a finish line, you get to “reclaim” some of the control by opting to take your case to trial. 

Lane One: Decision Time, the Beginning of Your Family Court Experience

As mentioned, Lane 1 is the beginning. Either party is gearing up;  gathering info and resources and putting things together with the intention of getting help with their divorce or custody. At this stage, things like timing, logistics, resources and personal circumstances are are crucial. Knowing when to file your case, jurisdiction considerations, and wording your petitions are all pivotal. Understanding court processes, connecting with resources, and identifying helpful information early can give you a significant advantage as you lay the groundwork for your case.

Lane Two: Filing and Interaction, Getting the Ball Rolling in Family Court

Lane 2, considerations are a bit different in the sense that once the case has started, some foundational things will remain intact no matter what. The court process is already set so deviating from some parts of it are more difficult to do at this stage. Things like identifying the problems or issues, the “real” ones, are extremely key at this stage. In addition, understanding what leverage is and identifying your leverage as well as the other party’s is also very important.  This is also the phase where you begin to focus on creating a solid game plan, like making strategic choices about when to interact and engage with the opposing party, the court, and the mediators.

Lane Three: Positioning for the Future, In the Thick of Things in Your Divorce or Custody

If your case made it past the six-month mark, it didn’t settle, or wasn’t resolved in mediation, then chances are you’re headed to Lane 3. By this time, you should have amassed a wealth of resources and built a deep understanding of your case. No more walking around with your head in the clouds, you’re starting to see Family Court for what it really is. You see that judges can be completely biased, the laws are not always applied correctly, that lawyers get away with acting unethically and you’re exasperated by the ugly truth. This time is pivotal, because since it wasn’t settled before now, chances are your case is going to trial. That means that frustration is at an all-time high followed by immense fear.  No one wants to hear the big “t” word because thoughts of excessive fees, feelings of uncertainty, and visions of seeing your child(ren) living with the other parent are involved with trial. But this is the time to shift your focus to prepping for the opportunity to finally present all of the improprieties that occurred in your case, in one setting.  

Lane Four: Gearing Up for Your Family Court Trial or Appeal

And at last, if you’re in Lane 4 you made it to the “finish” line. This is the moment you have been waiting for, although you didn’t know it, the moment to finally tell your story.  You get to speak and not be ignored; you get to point out all the lies the other party has been telling that you didn’t get a chance to prove; you get to call the guardian ad litem out for their unprofessional way of handling their responsibilities and so on.  And although you are scared out of your mind, this is the time to bring it all home. Win or lose, this is the time to seek vindication and to make peace with everything that has haunted you throughout the process. Knowing your key players and leveraging the knowledge gained throughout the previous stages is crucial. You must meticulously plot out how to use the information and resources built up over time to strategically navigate the trial phase and secure a favorable outcome.

Final Thoughts

Navigating the family court system can be overwhelming, but with the right strategies, you can take control, set the tone, and position yourself for success. Remember, everything you do at each stage has an impact on your case’s future, so strategic thinking and proactive planning are essential.

If you wish to discuss your options as a pro se (self-represented) party, please feel free to visit here.  If you are interested in our unique Pro Se Family Court Membership program, please find out more here.

Using Public Agencies Resources in Your Custody Battle

Agencies’ Resources in Family Court

Using Public Agencies’ Resources in Family Court

You absolutely need to use everything in your arsenal, or that’s at least available to you, if you have any chance of winning your custody or divorce case on your own. When I say on your own, I don’t mean literally. I mean if you are representing yourself, are pro se, then it is ever more important that you take advantage of all of the resources out there. Being pro se in Family Court is already very challenging, and can be more disastrous for your case, so you need to do what you can to minimize the obstacles from every direction.
Family Court is Smorgasbord

Look, let’s face it, Family Court is not your typical court. Not at, unlike most other courts, the Family Court encompasses the most sensitive topics regarding family, relationships, and parenting.  Some would go so far as to describe it as a confluence of a mental health facility, a social services agency, and a place for justice. And whether you agree or not, the reality is that Family Court is rarely ever solely about what’s being discussed in court. At the same time, since there’s always more going on than the obvious, there are typically several other resources or entities that can step in to diffuse most situations.

Being Preemptive in Family Court

Domestic violence (IPV), substance abuse, child abuse/neglect, mental health issues, and developmental issues are all prevalent in most, if not all, Family Court divorce or custody cases. Getting these issues addressed by the right authority can oftentimes minimize their impact on the court experience. It is best to not only take preventative measures whenever possible, but there at times when it’s best to take preemptive ones instead. This means preparing for the attack before the actual attack occurs. So, for instance, if you know that the other party or opposing counsel will raise issues of allegations of abuse, you would find out every procedure, program, etc. that would address the abuse. How you would use the insight will depend on the nature of the allegations, the extent to which they will play a role in your case and the possible outcomes.

Tips for Utilizing Agencies in your Divorce or Custody Case

When navigating a custody case, social service and public agencies can provide valuable support and resources. Here’s how you can effectively utilize them:

  1. Research relevant and applicable agencies: Almost any of the issues that are prevalent in Family Court have a corresponding agency that acts as a gatekeeper, monitor, or rehabilitative resource. Start by identifying the agencies that deal with these. Familiarize yourself with their roles, responsibilities, and services offered.
  1. Understand their processes: Learn about the specific processes and procedures followed by each agency. Always start by going to their website, where information about their structure, mission, procedure, etc. can be found. Then see if they hold public meetings, have information sessions, etc. so that you can establish contact with a person on staff.
  1. Make direct contact: It’s always ideal to have direct contact, via phone or email, where you can ask a staff person specific questions that can help you in your case or defend yourself in the case. You don’t need to divulge any sensitive information. In fact, it is advisable to be very careful that you don’t share particular issues of danger to mandated reporters, where you can be implicated unless you are prepared to present your defense. Consult with a family law attorney to understand the best approach for involving public agencies in your particular custody case. They can guide you through the legal aspects and help you navigate the specific requirements and protocols.
  1. Use the information in your case in court or as part of negotiations: Once you know how the agency works, what the criteria are, what they offer, etc. you can use it in your case no matter what position you’re in with respect to it. That means you can use it to work on your case’s weaknesses, use it to request appropriate services for the other party, or use it to get the help you need for your child(ren).
  1. Collaborate with professionals: Public agencies often work closely with professionals such as social workers, counselors, evaluators, GALs and lawyers. Be cooperative and open to their involvement, as their assessments and recommendations can influence the outcome of your case. Provide them with any relevant information or evidence that can support your position.
  1. Take advantage of any rehabilitative programs offered: Lots of these agencies have preventive classes, workshops, etc. offered for free or reduced costs. Things like parent education, sobriety programs, etc. are usually topics covered.
  1. Maintain documentation: Keep detailed records of all interactions, communications, and documents exchanged with the public agencies involved in your case. These records can serve as valuable evidence and help ensure that your concerns and actions are accurately documented.
  1. Follow up and stay informed: Stay engaged in the process by regularly communicating with the agency and using what you’ve learned or worked on to your benefit.
In Conclusion

Remember, every jurisdiction might have different processes and guidelines regarding the involvement of social services and public agencies in divorce or custody cases. Not to mention, judges are not too fond of litigants abusing or misappropriating these agencies’ resources. However, they can certainly defer to any recommendations, commendations, etc. made by these agencies and rely on them to help make sound rulings.


If you wish to discuss your options as a pro se (self-represented) party, please feel free to visit here.  If you are interested in our unique Pro Se Family Court Membership program, please find out more here. 

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Using Discovery in Divorce and Child Custody

What is DiscoveryDiscovery in divorce and child custody in divorce and child custody?

Discovery in divorce and child custody matter is the legal process where pertinent information, relevant items and material facts are exchanged between opposing parties upon request.  Discovery is used in litigated cases of any type. It applies to civil, criminal and family law cases, just to name a few. However, the extent to which types of discovery is used may vary from case to case.

Discovery in divorce and child custody cases has a unique process and methods used depends on the issues. Whether the case is on the trial track, as opposed to settlement track, matters as well.  The more contentious the issues, the less likely the case will be prepped for settlement. This means the case will require more extensive discovery so that it is “trial ready”.  For example, in a divorce where the main issue is division of the marital home but there is a question of who paid the down-payment,  a Notice to Produce and/or Notice to Admit are appropriate.  However, it is different where one of the parties is alleging that the other party is hiding assets.  In those cases, a more extensive discovery process may be warranted like depositions.

Should You File First in your Custody or Divorce Matter?

Type of Discovery:

There are 5 major methods of discovery you and your lawyer can use in your divorce or child custody case.

Interrogatories:   these are written questions that each party request to be answered by the other.  The party must answer truthfully under the penalty of perjury. These answers can be used as evidence at trial.  They usually ask for things like, the identity of expert and lay witnesses, a brief summary of their intended testimony and the exhibits they will use. There is usually a 30-day time limit for the responses. Also, some states limit the number of questions that can be asked in interrogatories.   They can be pre-printed forms, generic, or can be tailored by asking specific questions relevant to your case.

Requests for Admissions:  this is a series of short sentences that the other party must respond to.  The other party must admit or deny facts or the authenticity of particular documents.  This method is often necessary before trial because it minimizes the need to call witnesses to authenticate evidence at trial.  This reduces the length of trial because it reduces the number of unresolved issues beforehand.  Requests for admissions works best when contested factual disputes do not involve subjective opinions.

The key is to frame questions in a way that narrows down the possibilities as much as possible.  The questions should leave no room for anything more than a “yes” or “no” response. For example, “Do you admit that you visited your parents home on July 1, 2010”?. As opposed to “Do you admit that when you to see your parents back in July 2010 that it was to get their help”?.  See the difference in the potential responses, the latter may need more of an explanation than a simple “yes” or “no”.

Requests for Production or Requests to Produce:  these allow a party to request the other party produce specific documents relevant to your divorce or custody case.  The request the production of items either in the other party’s  possession or that party has “custody or control” over.  They refer to any type of statements of any party; photos, videos, audios, etc.; financial documents; etc.  The party in possession can object to the request if they deem them to be overly broad or improper.  If there are no objections, the items must be produced for copying if the other party has them.  In situations where the party only has “custody or control”, then a signed release is produced.

Depositions:  this method gives the parties the opportunity to question any party or witness, in person and under oath. Their testimony can be used in court to either refresh the deposing witness’ memory or to impeach them.  They usually take place in an attorneys office, but can be conducted on any location agreed upon by all parties.  The deposing parties are sworn in and a court reporter is present to take notes.  This method is very expensive and can drag on the divorce or child custody longer. Nonetheless, it can be a necessary tool where there are several contested issues, like custody.

Subpoenas:  technically not considered discovery but they are another means to acquire information relevant to divorce or child custody matters.   This method is very simple and straightforward, thus often used as an alternative or follow up to other failed discovery attempts.  It is ordered by the court so failure to respond to subpoenas can result in a contempt charge by the court, which may mean civil fines and criminal charges.  Subpoenas can order you to show up to court, to produce documents or show up to court with documents.  Anybody who has information or items related to the case can be served with a subpoena.

How to use discovery in divorce or child custody?

Most people do not expect to spend tons of money or time in preparing their divorce or child custody case for trial.  No matter how contentious, it is not unreasonable to have limits with respect to your family law case.  You can expect your case be resolved without dragging it out using discovery methods.  However, when the issues are so complicated that there seems to be no end in sight utilizing all the discovery methods available is necessary.

Furthermore, the level of cooperation of both sides can delay/prolong the process.  The tedious process can be a tedious one for all parties, since gathering information can take time and effort.  In addition, the extent to which both sides respond truthfully, fully and timely can also determine how the discovery process is used.   Discovery is typically used to obtain bank documents, financial statements, tax records, real estate deeds, business records, medical/mental health records, etc. in divorce or child custody matters.

Scenarios for use of discovery

Divorce cases where the issue is merely a distribution of identifiable assets, discovery use may be limited to pre-printed forms that is part of the attorney’s customary practice in divorce.  In other words, the discovery process may be routine and limited to requests to produce.

In divorce actions where the issue is a division of assets that need identifying,  searched for and located, valuated, etc. then the discovery process would be much more extensive.   The use of requests to produce, interrogatories, subpoenas and even depositions may be inevitable.  These methods can be used together, or individually in instances where use of one method failed to produce desired results.  So for instance, a party may use requests to produce to get copies of bank statements of hidden assets.  If the other party denies any hidden assets in their responses then other methods should be used.  Denial or failure to answer justifies using depositions as an alternative.

In child custody cases, utilizing requests to produce and interrogatories may be the way to get evidence relevant to the case.  Specifically in cases where joint or sole custody is disputed, various methods of discovery may be best. Discovery would typically focus on proof of alcohol or drug abuse of either party, domestic violence or anything related to either party being “fit” or “unfit”.  And although the use of depositions is not typically used to prove “the best interests of the child”, it is a very helpful method to establish them.

Subpoenas can be used in any of these scenarios.  In fact, they probably should be used before resorting to more expensive methods like depositions.  Requests for admissions are most useful when the divorce or child custody case is most certain to go to trial.

It is important that you understand the different methods of discovery and ways to use them.  Although your attorney may opt to use a method, a combination of methods or none at all, it is important to have an idea of what is available and ways to implement them.

By Tracey Bee, The Divorce Solutionist

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