The Diavorce Solutionist
Contempt in Family Court
Making the best decisions

I’ve touched up contempt in family court several times in the past. But what is or is not contempt in family court matters is worth a lengthy discussion. It is defined as “the offense of being disobedient to or disrespectful toward a court of law and its officers…”.  (Wikipedia) This covers orders, rulings, decisions issued by a judge of court.  So basically when a party to an action is ordered or directed to act or not act and they do the opposite, they are acting in contempt.


Change to Child Custody Arrangements during Covid


Family Court Order vs Other Court Order Violations

Family court orders typically come about by examination of a confluence of things.  Laws, statutes and regulations are just a part of what comes into play. Social norms, public policy issues and bureaucratic influences also have a significant impact in family court decisions.  In other courts, criminal court for instance, the application of the law has a much bigger influence.  And as a result, acts of contempt are generally more explicit.  The court order is usually clear with respect to consequences for disobeying it.  Violating a criminal court order usually entails a fine and/or incarceration because the violation is usually against the court itself or public policy. In family court, on the other hand, no such clarity exists.

First off, making a “finding” that contempt actually happened is not as clear cut.  Non-compliance is usually the court’s finding, which is very different from contempt.  When someone violates a family court order by not paying child support or spousal support, not following a custody/visitation order or ignoring provisions in a divorce judgment they are not necessarily in violation against the court itself.  Their defiance is against the other party. Next, family court violations need to be examined in context, not on isolated bases. This too, makes them privy to being viewed as less egregious as criminal court violations.  And last, family court orders tend to include lots of provisions where execution is conditioned upon other provisions being executed.

Actual vs. Perceived Contempt in Family Court

As I mentioned, what may be thought of as contempt may in fact be viewed as violations, non-compliance, etc.  Although by definition there is no distinction, what matters is how the court views it.  The court is the factfinder and it will determine what rises to the level of contempt using a different level of scrutiny than it would in any other court.

Let’s examine a few scenarios to get some insight on how the court views violative behaviors.

  1. Court order directs that the non-custodial parent (NCP) pays the custodial parent (CP) $500 per month for child support.  After 3 months of missed payments, late payments or partial payments the CP seeks contempt against NCP.
  2. Court order states that the NCP is to exercise their visits with the child every Fri. eve at 6PM until Sunday afternoon at 4PM. In the past several months, CP repeatedly shows up to drop off an hour or two late.
  3. Court order, by way of Divorce Decree, orders that the Defendant is to turn over all personal property in their possession within 30 days of the Decree. 90 days have passed and Plaintiff still has not received any such property.

Although all of these scenarios clearly exhibit some violations, non-compliance and/or disobeying court orders, they rarely arise to the level of “contempt” in a family court setting.  However, when these acts are considered in context, reviewed in light of other issues in the case, a finding of contempt is possible.

Strategy
Strategy

Making a Case for  Contempt in Family Court

Although the elements of contempt are usually spelled out in some form, the courts usually use a less stringent standard of proof in family court.

The key to getting the court to make an actual contempt ruling requires a strategic approach.  You need to look at the violative behavior in with a look at the entire case. This means looking at past behaviors, considering the judges position of related issues, social norms, local practices, etc.

So when you are faced with a repeated nonpayment of support it makes sense to consider the NCP parent’s track record with paying, if there is an issue with ability to pay because of a change in employment, if the court had to reprimand NCP previously for nonpayment and so on.  Additionally, you should ask yourself “what is your judge’s history with this particular violative act”.

When the issue is with late drop-offs or early pickups, consider things like quality of visits, ability to makeup for lost time, the harm done to the children, etc. Again, what your judge’s views are on this issue, what the judge would say or do in this situation, etc. are also very important.

When you are faced with making a case for contempt, one great source to refer to is the actual order itself. Review it over and over again if necessary, to see if there are any “gray” areas of interpretation.  Read it from the other party’s perspective to see if there are any viable potential arguments they can make.  Read it to with a view from the judge’s viewpoint to see if their intent was clearly stated.

Sum it Up

In conclusion, understand that what you may perceive as a clear case of contempt may not be considered such by family court.  It is a good idea to think, plan and strategize on what your next move should be in the event of violations of your court order.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

A step or blended family is a family that consists of parents and children who are not biologically related, the parents are remarried or cohabitating with someone other than the biological parent. Blended families make up almost half of all families in the US, according to Stepfamily.org. That means that a large amount of children are being raised in a home with one or more non-biological adult and children. This arrangement raises several family law related concerns, moreso than the mundane issues. Let’s take a look at how the various legal concepts apply to step families.

Coparenting in Step or Blended Families

Coparenting within a step or blended family is a little different than coparenting amongst solo parents.  Although coparenting amongst solo parents poses challenges, co-parenting amongst step families takes on a different set of challenges.  

Depending on how the custody agreement arose, whether it came to be as a result of a settlement (verbal or written), a court order or negotiations, the way coparenting happen looks different.  It is not uncommon to overlook custody provisions that specifically address stepparents’ rights and responsibilities. It’s obviously not because stepfamilies are rare.  Stepparents are not discussed in custody agreements because the courts don’t have jurisdiction over persons who are not parties to the action.  However, some parties are savvy enough to ask that specific provisions be included, making the parties themselves responsible for their partners compliance. One of the ones I see often is a provision that speaks to if and when the child can call the stepparent “Mommy” or “Daddy”.


What You Say in Family Court Matters


Additional provisions that may be included in custody agreements are; whether and to what extent the stepparent can discipline the child, if they can consent to medical treatment, if they are allowed to access school records or attend events, etc. Even if some of these NOT covered in the actual custody document, federal and state laws govern the rights of stepparents with respect to health and education. Stepparents cannot consent to medical treatment of a stepchild, even in emergency situations. They can transport the child to the hospital or medical appointments but need written consent to do more than that. Consent to treatment requires written consent from the parent/spouse who must have joint custody or legal custody.   

Same with respect to accessing school records or attending school events, consent (although written consent is not required it is recommended) from the parent/spouse is needed.  As for discipline, no specific laws address stepparent rights in the event the custody agreement fails to mention it. However, the extent to which a stepparent can discipline a stepchild relies solely with the biological parents (as long as it is within the legal confines of their state). Whatever rules the parents agreed to also extends to stepparents. Nonetheless, it is prudent to cover stepparent discipline in the custody agreement. Stepparents should be viewed as authority figures, of course, and should step into that role with confidence but boundaries should be established and maintained.

Custody/Visitation in Blended Families

There is a difference in step parents rights and responsibilities in sole custody arrangements.  In sole custody households, the biological parent does not have to confer with the other when making major decisions.  However, in joint custody, shared custody or 50/50 arrangements, this is not the case. (For a detailed explanation of the difference in custody arrangements go here  http://www.thedivorcesolutionist.com/will-the-court-award-sole-custody).  When consent is required in joint custody arrangements, there are times when that consent can be trumped by the other biological parent.  However, situations that do not need consent, still make copaStep or Blended Familyrenting amongst stepfamilies difficult. The issues that directly affect custody/visitation are communication, pickups and dropoffs, attendance at special events, household rules, etc. For the most part, stepparents are to adhere to the provisions of the custody agreement even though if they are not mentioned in the agreement.  Furthermore, stepparents should not meddle in communications or discussions between biological parents except in exigent circumstances. Particularly in high conflict custody arrangements, stepparents should keep their input or involvement to a minimum. Maintaining boundaries should be paramount to ensure coparenting goes smoothly.

Child Support or Financial Obligations in Blended Families

Child support guidelines applies to biological parents but can bring stepparents into the fold. The purpose of child support is to ensure that children have the benefit of maintaining the same or similar standard of living as if the parents were still living in the same household. However, this principle gets tricky in its application when children have the addition of a stepparent and their income. Although the courts cannot obligate stepparents to provide for children that are not biologically theirs (except in adoption) they cannot ignore the windfall uncalculated income provides. A payor non-custodial solo parent should not have to give up more than his/her proportionate share of income to a payee custodial remarried parent who has the financial advantage of another income in the household.  

What happens with child support in stepfamilies? Well, most courts will not “add” the stepparent’s income into the formula.  However, what they are permitted to do is to “consider” the stepparent’s income when deciding if they should deviate from the child support guidelines.  And where there a huge disparity in income, and thus standard of living, they will try to balance them out by applying its discretion. 

Conclusion

In sum, stepparents should take every aspect of the new family dynamics into account before taking on the role in a step or blended family.  Although having a custody agreement in place helps a lot, it is nearly impracticable to follow every provision to the letter.  Emotional bonding, physical conditions and financial limitations can make implementation even more challenging.  

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

trailing spouse

Up until recently, with Covid-19, people had to physically go where the job or career opportunities were plentiful. (Since Covid-19 the need to physically move has stalled with the influx of the work at home options). And although, women are increasingly becoming the breadwinner in marriages, they still outnumber men when it comes to following their spouse to the new location for work.  Women are more inclined to give up their job/career, friends and family, and all levels of security, to follow their man across the country or globe.  A spouse who follows their spouse to a new relocation for the promise of a better life are referred to as “trailing spouses“. Divorce is more likely in trailing spouse cases than not.


When Legal Separation is the Better Route 


What is Trailing Spouse

Trailing spouses is when a spouse follows their spouse to a new location for that spouse to pursue career opportunities.  Unfortunately, however, marriages suffer at a rate of almost 50 % from the effects of the stress and strain presented by these circumstances. Depression among the trailing spouses skyrockets causing major breakdown of the marriage. Loneliness, disappointment, sadness, etc. all play a major role in the mental and emotional distress many experience. 

Divorce is imminent in trailing spouse cases, which in turn leads to issues with custody, support and property distribution. I would like to explore how these issues play out in trailing spouses cases.

Trailing Spouse and Custody 

A trailing spouse that relocates for their spouse’s job or career advancement may have a legitimate argument for relocation back to their hometown. Relocation custody cases are one of the most litigated aspects of child custody. Albeit, deciding the general terms of custody can be quite intense, making a ruling with respect to relocation can be more of a challenge. The courts use “the best interests of the child” factors to determine if relocation should be granted. These factors include the physical, mental and emotional well being of the child; the child’s relationship with each parent; any special needs of the child, just to name a few.

However, with respect to relocation the best interests standards vary slightly. The major consideration is the imposition relocation would put on the noncustodial parent-child relationship. 

One significant factor considered in trailing spouse divorce relocation cases is the support system the custodial parent would have in the proposed city or state.  A support system for the parent is a support system for the child, which presumes mental & emotional well-being and social stability. So a custodial parent seeking to go back “home”, assuming a familial & social circle exists there, has a better chance than if they chose a random “start over” location. 

Trailing Spouse and Alimony 

Alimony, or spousal support/maintenance, is awarded in divorce in an effort to “balance” the parties economic position. It’s purpose is to minimize the deleterious effects of going  from a stable economic status to one of uncertainty due to divorce. Data reports that almost half of women experience a huge economic disadvantage upon divorce. And 

although men can get alimony too, their ability to “catch up” post divorce is greater.  Trailing spouse situations are apt for alimony demands based on this and other factors. 

States differ in how they decide alimony. The Uniform Marriage and Divorce Act is the federal statute states use to base their alimony laws on. Each state uses the federal statute to come up with factors to consider in alimony determination. Those factors include the payee spouse’s earning potential; the standard of living enjoyed while the parties were married; the separate property of each party; child support obligations; the duration of the marriage and the ability of the payor spouse to support him/herself. 

Trailing spouses can  certainly make a case for alimony based on at least half these factors. For example, if the spouse developed depression as a result of the uproot, this can certainly impair their ability to become self sufficient. Depending on the specifics, underemployment or unemployment are definitely possible consequences of depression. Or, in instances where the trailing spouse is willing to give up the marital home and/or to forego other marital assets (i.e. pensions, vehicles,etc), this would be factored in as well. The overall focus is on what the trailing spouse gave up in order to move away to support their spouse. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, trailing spouses sacrifice quite a bit and deserve to be compensated for their efforts. The courts don’t have explicit rules for cases like these, although they probably should, there are ways to argue your case accordingly.

What did you give up as a trailing spouse? What did you gain?

*Pt. II of Trailing Spouses and Divorce will be posted next week.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own? 

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

Family law attorney gets the worst wrap in the legal field. Let’s be honest, they can be the most difficult to work with in divorce and custody cases. They often Family Law Attorneycome across as unemotional, they barely recall important facts, they fail to communicate effectively and they totally ignore your wishes at times.

Data reports that more than half of family law clients are disappointed in their attorney’s services. Also, with respect to the overall profession, family law attorneys are hated more than any other specialty.  Despite these statistics though, working with the right attorney on your divorce or custody case can get you favorable results.

You have Rights as a Client

You get to dictate how your case is handled. That’s right you have the right to determine which moves your attorney makes on your behalf. I bet you did not know that huh. Well…technically you do but there’s a caveat.  Most competent attorneys will not give you complete authority, afraid that you make foolish decisions. They do have ethical obligations to give you the necessary legal information to make informed decisions. And when they do, and you insist on deciding against it, they can withdraw from your case.

So although it is your right, it may not be the wisest thing to do. Why, you ask, would an attorney take issue with his or her client exercising their right? Well because the attorney’s job would be pointless if they didn’t. Attorneys have egos and a client who goes against their own lawyer’s advice bruises their egos. Just kidding. The real reason is multifaceted but the bottom line is they have an obligation to you, the system and the bureaucrats that oversee the legal process.


What You Say in Family Court Matters 


Your Attorney Expects Things of You

Most attorneys have objectives that go way beyond providing you with the best representation.  Of course it’s important that do their best to get you the results discussed.  But it doesn’t end there attorneys have ethical obligations, professional aspirations, track records to establish & maintain, etc.  So if they anticipate anyone or anything that will interfere with these, they might think twice.  In plain English, you have a responsibility to your lawyer too.

At the top of the list is honesty, you owe it to yourself and your case to be honest with your family law attorney. If you can’t be candid with your divorce or family law attorney then you can’t be trusted. Your divorce attorney has the fate of your future in their hands so it’s imperative that you tell the truth about everything that matters. Cooperation is next, you must be willing and able to work as a team with your lawyer to see favorable results.  Communication is also important, keeping the lawyer in the loop with what is going on helps them to prepare for the necessary next steps.

Meeting in the Middle

To get the help you need you need to understand what your rights are but also what your responsibilities are too. It’s extremely important to find the right lawyer for your situation, there’s no doubt about that. However, you put all responsibility on the lawyer, you must do your part too.  It is prudent for you to have a clear discussion about the expectations, the process, the outcome, etc.  Although this discussion should be had very early in the attorney-client relationship, all is not lost if it happens any time after.  The point is, be upfront, ask questions, be clear, be cooperative.

In conclusion

How your divorce or custody case proceeds in court is up to you. Don’t be so quick to blame your lawyer for what goes “wrong” in your case. Before you “hate” or badmouth them for what they are not doing, ask yourself if you did your part.  It takes teamwork to get through these sort of situations.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

Pro Se Divorce or Pro Se Child Custody

Pro Se Divorce or Pro Se Child Custody – Which is better?

Attorneys, judges, legal personnel all think pro se divorce or pro se child custody litigants are insane. Even with Uncontested Divorce, they believe that taking the risk of botching the child custody or child support terms is too high. For those of you who need clarity, a pro se litigant is:

“someone who argues his/her own case in a lawsuit, rather than having a lawyer represent him/her and do the legal work for him/her. “Pro se” is Latin for ‘on behalf of oneself’.”

Why Pro Se?

Now that you know what the “professionals” think about you handling your divorce or child custody case pro se, let’s explore if YOU should. There are several reasons why people choose to represent themselves. First, the cost of divorce can bankrupt you really quick. I spoke with women who said that they have spent upwards of $200,000 in legal fees for their divorce. Yes….you read that correctly. When you factor in the cost of financial experts, guardian ad litem fees, etc. it is conceivable. Next, the emotional toll many people endure is enough to lead them to the pro se route. And let’s be honest, the fisticuffs come out blazing when allegations of abuse, disputes over money and battles over custody arise. Last, the need to get it over with so that one or both parties can move on in their lives. That usually means moving onto a new relationship, journey or lifestyle. 


Will the Court Award Sole Custody 


Is Pro Se for You?

The question still remains though, is pro se representation advantageous for you? Every situation is different so don’t be influenced by your neighbors’ story. You must look at every single detail of your circumstances from a strategic standpoint. Yes the law is significant too but strategy is key. That means looking at how the law applies to your strengths as well as your weaknesses of your case. In addition, you must weigh the strengths and weaknesses of your ex’s or soon to be ex’s case and analyze them together.

In instances where there are no children and/or no property, pro se divorce or pro se child custody is often a no brainer. However, when there are children then you must examine the ramifications of any potential custody agreements and how it will affect child support. The same with respect to assets or liabilities, you must consider the possible outcomes of any split or distribution. Knowing the law is not all there is to it, you must know the exceptions too. 

Let’s look at some scenarios:

Scenario #1: Mr. & Mrs. X are going through a split and they both want sole custody.  Neither of them have issues with being “fit” or “unfit” so the decision will come down to several factors but one factor takes precedence. If they reside in a “presumed” joint custody state, where the courts will assume that joint custody is in the best interests of the child, then fighting for sole custody will inevitably require a trial. Not a good idea to try this without the help of experienced legal professionals. 

Scenario #2: Mr. & Mrs. Z, Mrs. Z was a stay at home mom for 10 years while Mr. Z worked full time and provided for the family during that time. Mrs. Z is asking for joint custody with a parenting arrangement that fits both parties’ schedules, child support (based on their state’s statutory guidelines) and a split of the proceeds of the marital home. Although this may seem impossible to many, this scenario has the potential to be resolved amicably amongst the parties.  

The Possible Consequences

No matter how well prepared you are, how skilled you are at presenting your case or how knowledgeable you are with the laws, there’s a very good chance that your case will lead to nefarious consequences. Why? Simply because you are not an attorney. 

Pro se litigants generally turn the courts off because they have low and negative expectations of pro se litigants. As a result, courts often just put up mental and emotional barriers at the very mention of “pro se litigant”. Right, wrong or indifferent, this is the reality. What happens though is that they focus more on the “wrongs” so much that they overlook the merits of the case.

Not to mention, if your court renders an unfavorable decision or order on your case in your pro se action, you are stuck with if for the most part.  Your only recourse is an appeal, which is very expensive and time-consuming.

What are your options?

So with the explosion of legal resources on the internet everyone thinks they can handle any legal matter on their own. There might be some credence to this thinking but you must still choose wisely. There are great options available to help pro se litigants now. Some of these include divorce consultants-strategists (like myself); document preparers (we offer these as well), paralegal support services, etc. Even though these options are widely available now, you should still use discernment.  Other viable options are your state’s free resources, nonprofit organizations like Legal Aid and limited service attorneys to name a few.  Whatever option you decide on, it is crucial to understand exactly what you might be risking in the process. 

In summary

The bottom line is this, being pro se is not an automatic catastrophe, just don’t rush to decide. Do your research. Get consultations. Make a fully informed decision.

Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

Child Custody

Will the Court Award Sole Custody

In today’s world, there is a lot of confusion about the different forms of custody. We have all heard of the joint custody, some custody and full custody. However, what many are not aware of is that there are two major basis for any custody, that is physical and legal custody.  Physical custody refers to the residence of the child, while legal custody is the decision-making authority the parents have.  These can be either one or a combination of both of them.

Types of Custody

Joint custody shared or 50/50 are used interchangeably but differ in application. Joint custody can be granted with respect to physical and/or legal custody. Shared custody, on the other hand, usually only applies to physical custody where the parents split time equally. 50/50 custody, is not a legal concept but is used in place of joint or shared custody, especially where physical custody is split equally.

Full custody or sole custody are also often used interchangeably. The difference between these two being based more on the circumstances of the parties. Full custody is usually “presumed” in situations where custody has not been established by the courts.  This means that the parent that physically has the child has custody until the court decides otherwise. Sole custody, is a legal concept determined by the court. A parent who has sole custody has 100% decision-making authority and physical custody. The other parent typically has no contact or some visitation or parenting time with the child in some custody scenarios.


Change to Child Custody Arrangements during Covid 


The Courts’ Position on Sole Custody

Most states are moving toward a “presumption” of joint or shared custody, presuming that these arrangements are in the best interests of the child.

Judges are moving away from awarding sole custody to one parent even in cases where the “fitness” of the other parent is questionable. These days the court will only award sole custody when there is clear evidence of specific abuse, neglect or abandonment. The specific bases for ordering sole custody are in situations of abuse, neglect, abandonment, incarceration, mental illness, or relocation. If any of these are proven the judge presumes that the noncustodial parent is “unfit” or that the other parent is more “fit” to parent the child(ren). The courts will justify rulings that allows both parents to play an important role in their children’s lives as opposed to limiting involvement.

A parent can be awarded sole physical custody (which is the same as primary custody). If that is the case. the parties will often share joint legal custody, and the noncustodial parent enjoys a generous visitation schedule. In these situations, the parents would make joint decisions about the child’s upbringing, but one parent would be deemed the primary physical caretaker, while the other parent would have visitation rights under a parenting agreement or schedule.

Conversely, a parent whose awarded sole legal custody can still be directed to split physical custody with the other parent. The variation in these scenarios depends mainly on each state’s laws regarding custody.

Making a Case for Sole Custody

It’s one thing to allege the basis for sole custody, it’s entirely different to prove it.  Unless sole custody is agreed to by both parents, which is how sole custody is normally granted, proving it in court is no easy task. Of course, some grounds for sole custody are more obvious than others, a trial is still often necessary.  The extent to which the petitioner must provide proof or evidence of the grounds depends on other factors as well.  For instance, in a case of abandonment, which is defined differently in each state, mere absence from the child’s life may warrant further explanation as to why.

So, when making your case, it is prudent on the petitioner to understand the legal concepts and how they are proven in court.  Getting a handle on your state’s “tendency” to rule one way or the other requires diligence.  In fact, it is advisable to work with an experienced professional who can help you with the nuances of this area.   Additionally, custody trials can be awfully expensive, extremely time consuming and mentally & emotionally draining.

Alternatives to Sole Custody

A viable alternative to sole legal custody can be as simple as choosing specific language in the court order or agreement.  Including phrases such as “ X parent has final decision-making”;  “both parents are to decide on educational, medical and social issues jointly. In the event the parties are unable to agree, X parent has the final say”; “X parent has the authority to make decisions with respect to educational, medical and social issues when the child is in their home” and similar verbiage.  The beauty of negotiating with a mediator, amongst yourselves or with lawyers present is that almost any of these goes.  If the court is forced to decide, then the chances of bypassing sole custody this way is gone.

Conclusion

In sum, if you are determined to get sole custody then you need to start preparing for it way in advance.  The more you know, the more you prepare, the more help you get the more likely you are to succeed.

Written by Tracey Bee

Feel free to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your child custody case. 

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Need help in handling your Family Court case on your own?

We have services that are specifically geared toward helping self-represented litigants like you understand the common mistakes that lead to the most disappointing outcomes. To find out more about our services, visit us at WWW.THEDIVORCESOLUTIONIST.COM and join our Facebook community HERE to get some helpful advice and some FREEBIES.  Listen to our latest Podcast episode here.

What is DiscoveryDiscovery in divorce and child custody in divorce and child custody?

Discovery in divorce and child custody matter is the legal process where pertinent information, relevant items and material facts are exchanged between opposing parties upon request.  Discovery is used in litigated cases of any type. It applies to civil, criminal and family law cases, just to name a few. However, the extent to which types of discovery is used may vary from case to case.

Discovery in divorce and child custody cases has a unique process and methods used depends on the issues. Whether the case is on the trial track, as opposed to settlement track, matters as well.  The more contentious the issues, the less likely the case will be prepped for settlement. This means the case will require more extensive discovery so that it is “trial ready”.  For example, in a divorce where the main issue is division of the marital home but there is a question of who paid the down-payment,  a Notice to Produce and/or Notice to Admit are appropriate.  However, it is different where one of the parties is alleging that the other party is hiding assets.  In those cases, a more extensive discovery process may be warranted like depositions.


Should You File First in your Custody or Divorce Matter?


Type of Discovery:

There are 5 major methods of discovery you and your lawyer can use in your divorce or child custody case.

Interrogatories:   these are written questions that each party request to be answered by the other.  The party must answer truthfully under the penalty of perjury. These answers can be used as evidence at trial.  They usually ask for things like, the identity of expert and lay witnesses, a brief summary of their intended testimony and the exhibits they will use. There is usually a 30-day time limit for the responses. Also, some states limit the number of questions that can be asked in interrogatories.   They can be pre-printed forms, generic, or can be tailored by asking specific questions relevant to your case.

Requests for Admissions:  this is a series of short sentences that the other party must respond to.  The other party must admit or deny facts or the authenticity of particular documents.  This method is often necessary before trial because it minimizes the need to call witnesses to authenticate evidence at trial.  This reduces the length of trial because it reduces the number of unresolved issues beforehand.  Requests for admissions works best when contested factual disputes do not involve subjective opinions.

The key is to frame questions in a way that narrows down the possibilities as much as possible.  The questions should leave no room for anything more than a “yes” or “no” response. For example, “Do you admit that you visited your parents home on July 1, 2010”?. As opposed to “Do you admit that when you to see your parents back in July 2010 that it was to get their help”?.  See the difference in the potential responses, the latter may need more of an explanation than a simple “yes” or “no”.

Requests for Production or Requests to Produce:  these allow a party to request the other party produce specific documents relevant to your divorce or custody case.  The request the production of items either in the other party’s  possession or that party has “custody or control” over.  They refer to any type of statements of any party; photos, videos, audios, etc.; financial documents; etc.  The party in possession can object to the request if they deem them to be overly broad or improper.  If there are no objections, the items must be produced for copying if the other party has them.  In situations where the party only has “custody or control”, then a signed release is produced.

Depositions:  this method gives the parties the opportunity to question any party or witness, in person and under oath. Their testimony can be used in court to either refresh the deposing witness’ memory or to impeach them.  They usually take place in an attorneys office, but can be conducted on any location agreed upon by all parties.  The deposing parties are sworn in and a court reporter is present to take notes.  This method is very expensive and can drag on the divorce or child custody longer. Nonetheless, it can be a necessary tool where there are several contested issues, like custody.

Subpoenas:  technically not considered discovery but they are another means to acquire information relevant to divorce or child custody matters.   This method is very simple and straightforward, thus often used as an alternative or follow up to other failed discovery attempts.  It is ordered by the court so failure to respond to subpoenas can result in a contempt charge by the court, which may mean civil fines and criminal charges.  Subpoenas can order you to show up to court, to produce documents or show up to court with documents.  Anybody who has information or items related to the case can be served with a subpoena.

How to use discovery in divorce or child custody?

Most people do not expect to spend tons of money or time in preparing their divorce or child custody case for trial.  No matter how contentious, it is not unreasonable to have limits with respect to your family law case.  You can expect your case be resolved without dragging it out using discovery methods.  However, when the issues are so complicated that there seems to be no end in sight utilizing all the discovery methods available is necessary.

Furthermore, the level of cooperation of both sides can delay/prolong the process.  The tedious process can be a tedious one for all parties, since gathering information can take time and effort.  In addition, the extent to which both sides respond truthfully, fully and timely can also determine how the discovery process is used.   Discovery is typically used to obtain bank documents, financial statements, tax records, real estate deeds, business records, medical/mental health records, etc. in divorce or child custody matters.

Scenarios for use of discovery

Divorce cases where the issue is merely a distribution of identifiable assets, discovery use may be limited to pre-printed forms that is part of the attorney’s customary practice in divorce.  In other words, the discovery process may be routine and limited to requests to produce.

In divorce actions where the issue is a division of assets that need identifying,  searched for and located, valuated, etc. then the discovery process would be much more extensive.   The use of requests to produce, interrogatories, subpoenas and even depositions may be inevitable.  These methods can be used together, or individually in instances where use of one method failed to produce desired results.  So for instance, a party may use requests to produce to get copies of bank statements of hidden assets.  If the other party denies any hidden assets in their responses then other methods should be used.  Denial or failure to answer justifies using depositions as an alternative.

In child custody cases, utilizing requests to produce and interrogatories may be the way to get evidence relevant to the case.  Specifically in cases where joint or sole custody is disputed, various methods of discovery may be best. Discovery would typically focus on proof of alcohol or drug abuse of either party, domestic violence or anything related to either party being “fit” or “unfit”.  And although the use of depositions is not typically used to prove “the best interests of the child”, it is a very helpful method to establish them.

Subpoenas can be used in any of these scenarios.  In fact, they probably should be used before resorting to more expensive methods like depositions.  Requests for admissions are most useful when the divorce or child custody case is most certain to go to trial.

It is important that you understand the different methods of discovery and ways to use them.  Although your attorney may opt to use a method, a combination of methods or none at all, it is important to have an idea of what is available and ways to implement them.

By Tracey Bee, The Divorce Solutionist

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Preparing Your Case & Gathe Other Evidence

It helps to have an idea of what is important, what is admissible, what is legal with respect to preparing your case of divorce or child custody. Emails & text messages are usually full of pertinent information and should be high on the list. Although text messages should be formatted in a form that is easier to comprehend, some courts will allow them to be submitted in their original context. Correspondence from caretakers, therapists, etc. are also particularly important and given considerable weight when appearing before the court. Some third party correspondence is subject to hearsay rules however, and may be rejected on that basis. Reports from doctors and other related professionals are also considered “material” to issues surrounding custody or divorce.


Using Discovery in Divorce and Child Custody


Better to Overdo it than Not

Typically, the first appearance is for foundational purposes only. The court is going to spend time getting a clear understanding of the issues that are relevant to the case. It is best to bring all documents, texts, photos, etc. even though the chances of the court actually reviewing them are slim. These things are more appropriate for settlement conference, mediations or court hearing/trial but do serve a purpose at the initial appearance. Having all of these will help you to narrow down what is most relevant to the case from the court’s perspective, which in turn guides you through the overall process.

Prioritizing Your Evidence

Background information is not as important as you think. When preparing materials start with the decision you want the judge to make and provide only the information that will help the judge get to that decision.  You should have an idea of exactly what you want the judge to rule on, which should include an alternative or second choice.  You do not need to disclose these to the court or your adversary but have an idea of what the other favorable options look like.

In addition, include things that can dispute your adversary’s position. These documents, evidence, etc. should certainly be ranked according to how “strong” their evidence is but the important thing is to not overlook their importance.

To keep things simple and easy for your judge to read, your documentation should clearly answer three questions:

  • What’s the issue to be decided?
  • What’s the result you are looking for?
  • Why should you get it?

Some background is often needed, but too much of it clouds the most important & relevant questions. Sticking to the relevant facts that support your desired outcome tells the judge you are a focused & organized and that she/he should pay attention to you. The more time you spend on things unrelated to your end goal, the more it seems that you do not know exactly what you want or why you deserve it.

Keep your documents brief and to the point. Otherwise, it is like not knowing where you want to go. And in that case, you may end up somewhere else.


Most cases in court starts with the filing of a Petition or Complaint by the person who wishes to sue another. Child custody or divorce matter are no different, the initial document is the document that gets the case started. Either party, husband or wife, mother or father, can initiate the case based on their respective objectives.

The question often arises, “should I file first or should I wait until the other party is motivated to file?”  I wanted to address the pros and cons of proceeding either way, even though there is very little irreparable harm to the case if either option is exercised.


Contact The Divorce Coach for you Child Custody or Divorce Matters


Starting the case as the wife or mother in your case may be advantageous for several reasons. Let’s at it from a strategic perspective:  When you are the one filing for divorce you get to choose the legal grounds for the divorce. Depending on the state you are located in or the state you are filing in, choosing the grounds for your divorce may require “fault”. Although most states have some form of “no-fault” as legal grounds, some states’ variations of fault are not the easiest grounds to prove. For example, in Hawaii the parties are to remain separated for a period of at least 2 years to be able to choose “no fault” as their basis.  On the other hand, the petitioner can choose to forego “no fault” grounds based on the facts of their particular case.  Doing this can serve as a strategic tool when negotiation efforts get under way.  For instance, a wife may sue for divorce on the grounds of adultery, explicitly stating all the details of her spouse’s infidelity. The fact that his indiscretions are now open to public view & scrutiny may incentivize him to do whatever it takes to either have this changed to a different grounds or to have the case settled quickly to avoid public humiliation.

Next, the Petitioner gets to choose the jurisdiction to handle the divorce. In some instances, more than one state has the legal authority to “hear” the case based on the parties’ state of residence, the location of the commission of the acts that give rise to the case, or some other association the parties might have to the jurisdiction.

You can prepare more in advance since your ex or soon to be ex may be clueless of the impending filing & thus be unprepared for the case. If you are convinced that divorce is the route you want to take then you could and should start to gather relevant information, documents, etc.. In addition, you should start searching for family law attorneys who can represent you if the circumstances of your divorce or child custody case warrants it.  If you meet with the most reputable attorneys for consultations, be sure to keep track of who they are and advise them to do the same so that you limit their availability to your ex or soon to be ex for representation.

I understand that a lack of resources may leave the party with no choice, forcing them to be the Respondent in the case.  However, the answer to that problem may be a counterclaim or a motion to dismiss their petition.  Whether or not either action is warranted should be determined with the assistance of your family law attorney.